28.4.05

Fictional Blogs

Darth Vader has a Blog. Who knew? It describes the Dark Lord's views of the events of the Empire Strikes Back. Right now, he's just sent the fleet into the asteroid field after the Falcon. It's been relatively entertaining, though obviously a fan work, and not official. It still stays pretty close to the source and gives a feeling of how Vader feels about a lot of things. It's all very interesting, and provides a cool little side story to the movie.

Boba Fett has one too, but though I haven't read it, I'm not sure it'll be as believeable as Darth Vader's, if that makes any sense. I mean, Vader struck me as having emotions that would be interesting to read about. Especially after Hayden Christensen's angst-filled portrayal of Anakin in Attack of the Clones, it's clear that he's got deep-rooted emotional troubles, and was quite open about them to Padmé and Obi-Wan. Once he became Lord Vader, though, he had much more trouble having personal conversations with anyone, his intimidating visage instilling fear into anyone. Of course, he liked it that way. He got loyalty out of fear. But a Blog provides him a change to semi-anonymously reveal his innermost feelings.

Boba Fett though, he doesn't really HAVE innermost feelings. He is cold. I think he likes to keep himself this way. It keeps him focused, and also keeps him from feeling any pain he might feel from seeing his father beheaded. You KNOW that is some sort of deep pain Fett has to deal with, but he wouldn't reveal himself through a blog. Oh well. It's fiction, so it's fun, right? I know I'll still read it, with a few grains of salt.

Moving from the real of science fiction blogs, I don't remember if I showed you guys the Supermodel Personals, but they continue to be mildly entertaining, and seemed appropriate for this blog about fake blogs.

Also, I'm inspired to make a blog of my character from that one big convo I had. I've become obsessed with that lately, it's a really cool idea in my head, I don't know. After I write the story, of course. Maybe I'll use that to start that blog, in fact... More ideas for my brain. I'll keep you posted. Laters.

27.4.05

Where Am I?

Well, Lubbock, Texas, obviously. I was gonna treat you guys to another post involving where I plan to be in the future: I wanna move to Seattle or something, become independantly wealthy off my writting or what have you. Then my mind shot to the following quote by the greenest Jedi Master ever:
Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained. A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless.
So, where am I now? I'm in college, and really not doing to well. I want to do something, but I feel like im in that limbo where there's no time to do anything really... So, I sit here, in limbo. Maybe I'll go about beating a few more of those optional bosses in Kingdom Hearts. Maybe I'll work a little more on those games I'm sitting in limbo in on PS2.

Off the top of my head, and in no order, the other (Not KH) PS2 games I'm currently in progress playing:

Prince Of Persia: Sands of Times - I dunno how far I am, maybe half way? I think I got lost though.
Final Fantasy X - I THINK I'm basically on the home stretch, but I can't be sure. I feel like I need to do some power leveling, or however it works in that game.
Final Fantasy X-2 - I'm not too far, and in fact I'll probably just start over after I beat FFX.
Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty - 1st Level, just snooping... It's SOO slow to play.
La Pucelle: Tactics - I'm on the 2nd chapter, and this is actually pretty fun, reminiscent of my FF:TA days.
*At this point Greg went to rummage through his PS2 games drawer.*
Grand Theft Auto 3 - I made it to the 2nd island, but I can't beat the mission where I have to kill the first island's boss guy.
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City - I don't even know how you measure progress in this game. I think I managed to steal a tank, then I realized I could steal a couple of helicopters, and those are just too fun to resist. I'm not a criminal. I just like to fly. That's probably why I beat Ace Combat 4 in like four days and the rest of my games have been getting dusty for months.
Xenosaga Episode One: Something German - This is just another case of BORING GAME. I'm sitting in the 1st level, or maybe even the 0th. I think its a tutorial and I still am not interested. Ugh.
Sonic The Hedgehog Mega Collection - This was just a fun little thing. I love Sonic, and the ability to not have to mess with cords for my Genesis, plus the inclusion of all the old Game Gear games. I couldnt resist. I don't think there's really such a thing as progress here, I just get to goof around. I plan to beat most of these games though.

*Thinks.* I KNOW I have Sonic 3 & Knuckles complete 100% in cartridge form, but I'm not so sure about Sonic 2. The other games, which I KNOW I haven't beaten, include Sonic 1 (just never wanted to play this, the later two were much better), Sonic Spinball (I beat the GG version, but not the Gen), Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine (The VS AI on this is nearly impossible x_x) and Sonic 3D Blast (OW MY EYES!), plus a few Game Gear Games - Sonic The Hedgehog (natch), Sonic Labyrinth (another one which just hurt to play), Sonic Drift (kart racer, I beat SD#2 back on the GG, and it was significantly better), Sonic Chaos (Basic Sonic game, you get to control Tails. Oh yeah, ultra-mini anecdote - I got this game for xmas several years ago, and played to the last level with Tails, at which point my Game Gear's 6 AA batteries died on me. u_u), Sonic Blast (its like Sonic Chaos with funkier graphics, suckier gameplay, and Knux over Miles), and another version of Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine (not sure about the AI on this one, we'll see).

Wow, that's a big paragraph about all the GG games. Basically, they all SUCK! (Cept maybe Chaos.) To be fair, I knew the what Genesis games were going into it, and was genuinely happy with 6 out of 7 of them (I knew I didn't like 3D Blast cuz I'd played
it on computer, and MBM was a curiosity I wanted to explore). The portable titles though, were hidden on the inside of the case, deep in the back of the manual, like hidden nuggets of crap. What follows is the list of the 6 Game Gear Games I would have put in:

Sonic the Hedgehog (Again, natch)
Dr. R's MBM (I've gotten tired of spelling that out)
Sonic Triple Trouble (Sonic Chaos taken up 3 notches)
Tails' Adventure (This is the best black sheep for the Sonic series, and it pulled it off really well. I would LOVE to find this game again, just to play it again. It was so great)
Sonic Drift 2 (MUCH better than the first)
Sonic Spinball (This was enjoyable enough to me that I actually beat it at least twice, though maybe not with the emeralds. I could go through it again)

Okay, that's my dream team of GG Sonic games. Sonic 2 for the GG was overly hard, though I suppose it was better than a lot of the game that DID make it in. Ugh.

Also, why no Sonic CD? U_U

Okay, enough rambling about nostalgia. At least I didn't ramble about the future. Past beats Future, right? Thinks....
He who controls the Past controls the Future.
He who controls the Present controls the Past.
And he who controls the Future can get a flying De Lorean. ^_^ Night guys.

26.4.05

Zombies In New Orleans

Sharon walked into the dark, blue, New Orleans dance club known as the “Red Room”. She had the same thing on her mind that she always had on spring break – Guys, with a capitol ‘G’. Fifteen minutes after entering the club, Sharon was dancing like all the other drunken spring break students, when a name appeared floating in mid-air before her. She stopped dancing to the pounding trance music and tried to focus on the fuzzy letters, but the more she concentrated, the more the word faded from her view. She drunkenly wondered what the hell God had been trying to warn her about. Then she saw a cute guy, lost her train of thought, and never discovered that it hadn’t been God at all, but rather a drunken voodoo doctor. In New Orleans, everyone is drunk on spring break.

Soon Sharon forgot about the blurry warning, and continued her night of drinking, dancing, and the occasional flashing of her breasts. This activity attracted the attention or a shadowy figure. He limped over with a limp like someone who’d had too much to drink, only, different, somehow. Of course, everyone in the club was too drunk to notice the difference, but it was there, nevertheless. The nameless figure came up behind Sharon and tapped her shoulder with a bony figure to get her attention. She turned around, decided the figure looked mostly male, and flashed it.

"Very nice,” intoned the figure. “You are just the type of girl I’ve been looking for. Would you care to join me in the bathroom?”

Through her drunken haze, the only words from the figure’s almost overly-elegant speech that Sharon’s brain recognized were “nice”, “girl”, “join”, and “bathroom” - just enough for her to get the general idea that whoever was standing in front of her wanted sex. “Sure”, she agreed eagerly. Sharon followed her new-found lover towards the rear restrooms of the building. As the door creaked closed, the Red Room’s pale, skinny DJ cranked up the music, drowning out Sharon’s screams…

***

Detective Greg flicked on the TV set in his meager hotel room to see an interesting ad. “The following is a paid advertisement from the makers of Mattaway,” the announcer’s generic voice came. “Are big annoying singing rocks ruining your day?” The picture faded into the image of a little boy sitting on the side walk, crying next to his crushed toy truck. His mom walked into the frame.

“What’s wrong, Billy?” she asked.

“Matt,” the boy sniffed, “he rolled over it!”

“Sounds like we need some Mattaway.”

“Yes,” broke in the announcer, “It’s Mattaway – the only proven effective way to keep that pestering rock and his oddly unique singing voice out of your life! And you know it’s safe because we’ve tested it on animals!”

The image reverted to the child, now happily playing with another brightly colored truck, while the mom sprayed an aerosol can into the air around them. “Thanks, Mattaway!” she smiled at the camera as the words ‘Available at a parallel universe near you’ appeared at the bottom of the screen.

“Damn, Greg said, “I really need some of that.”

“No you don’t,” Matt argued, as he rolled out the nearby wall, humming the commercial’s catchy jingle to himself.

Greg shut the TV off as his good friend and occasional partner on the P.I. beat, Ralph, stepped out of the hotel bathroom in a stylish zoot suit. Greg had no need to change, because his usual detective’s outfit was stylish enough for nearly any occasion. Yes, even that one.

“You ready to leave?” Greg asked his friend.

“Hell yeah,” Ralph replied. Both were all set to enjoy a kick-ass Mardi-Gras in the best place to celebrate it, New Orleans, Louisiana. As the two strode out, they knew not the peril that would await them just at the first bar they would hop into.

***

As the pair ran from the first bar they’d visited that night, Ralph shouted at Greg “What the hell were you thinking?!”

“Well, just before I sat down,” Greg calmly replied as he ran alongside Ralph, “I was thinking ‘Time to get warmed up.' Then I got warmed up…”

“Yeah, I saw that… I wasn’t aware that was really possible.”

“Possible? Yes. Recommended? Well…” Greg gestured to the angry crowd that was just now exiting the bar in the pair’s wake. “Anyway, I’d call that a good start for the evening.”

“What do you mean, ‘start’?” Ralph growled. “Look at that crowd. I’d say our evening is done, man.”

“Nonsense. I’m not about to let some two-bit mob ruin my fun. Watch this.”

“Watch what?” Ralph asked as Greg dragged him into the next bar they passed.

Greg ignored him, covered his mouth and shouted, in a low, gruff tone, “He went over there!” Despite the fact that Greg had actually not gestured in any direction in particular, no one in the mob wanted to look like they were too drunk to not know what direction he had meant, even though in truth they all were, anyway. And so, the drunken two-bit mob, unable to come to a drunken consensus about which direction had been implied, split into two drunken one-bit mobs, and headed off in opposite directions. “Wow,” Greg said. “I can’t believe that worked.”

Ralph just sighed and shook his head. “I’m heading to the bar.”

***

Fifteen minutes later, Greg and Ralph were beginning to notice a problem with the club. Though they both had their respective macks on, they appeared to be the only two so macking.

“Greg, why are we still here?” Ralph asked. “The mob is long gone. Let’s go somewhere bumping.”

“This place IS bumping. Or rather,” Greg conceded, “it’s supposed to be.”
Ralph looked at the lifeless club. It was most nearly the opposite of bumping, whatever that was. “Come on Greg. I thought knew all the hot-spots in New Orleans.”

“First, I know all the hot-spots in the nation, and don’t you forget it. And second, I was just here last week. On, erm… Business. And the club was bumpin’. No, something isn’t right here.” Greg looked around the club and thought about what had changed since his last visit. Music? No, the club was still laying down the same phat beats it did every week. Atmosphere? Nope, the Red Room was still the same smoky and ironic blue color it always had been, if just a twitch darker.

Greg couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but it was there. Something was off. The strobe lights blinking in the corners of the club didn’t help anything. They weren’t really fast enough to be called a “strobe.” More of an annoying blinking, really. In between blinks, though, Greg spotted the problem. As fast as the beats were pumping, the partiers, who should have been up to full Spring Break power by now, were dancing like dead people. Not normal dead people, of course, because dead people can’t dance, but like strange dead people with just enough energy left in their corpses to dance.
Greg tapped one dancer on the shoulder so he could give a simple “What gives?” and hopefully get some answers. He was shocked when the shoulder he tapped fell off the dancer with a dry snap. The dancer, a bit disgruntled about losing his right arm, said “Oh snap!”, then turned toward Greg and snarled dryly. It was then that Greg realized the REAL problem in the Red Room: the zombies. Slowly, the zombies around Greg and Ralph became aware of the non-zombies among them. A zombie roar sounded over the speakers, alerting the entire club to the living interlopers.

Seemingly oblivious, Greg stood there in denial, dancing to the “dum-Dum, dum-Dum” of the blasting bass. In a whirl of arms, legs, and raver skillz, he quickly dismembered many nearby zombies. When Greg woke up from his Trance trance, he realized that the crowds around him were not spectators checking out his dope moves, but rather, a zombie horde bent on killing him and his partner. Greg listened closer, and realized that the bass he had been dancing too was really instructions: “Get them, Get them, Get them,” the speakers were shouting.

“This is not good,” Ralph noted. He lacked Greg’s amazing, if accidental, anti-zombie raving skillz.

“Follow me!” Greg shouted over the noise in the club, as he raved a path through the zombies to the door. Once they’d escaped, they realized that the whole city was a crowd, and they had accomplished nothing.

Greg sighed heavily, and Ralph breathed in from his inhaler. “Well, we survived that.”

“Don’t be so sure,” Greg cautioned. His mind was racing. As he thought, he realized a few things. First, zombies are notoriously stupid. Second, they had seemed entirely contained in that one small club. Therefore, Greg reasoned, they had obviously not realized that there was an expansive city waiting for them outside the doors to the Red Room.

Until now. Following Greg and Ralph through the door, the zombie horde came full on into the crowds of unsuspecting spring breakers, overrunning the helpless, drunken coeds.

“Oh shit,” Greg mused. “They’ve overrun the drunken coeds.” He tapped Ralph on the shoulder and motioned towards their hotel. “Well, what do you say we retire for the evening?”

***

“DAMN!!!” Greg shouted after the pair had returned to their suite. “I just don’t believe it…” He slammed the mini-bar closed in frustration. “Twenty bucks for a bottle of Schnapps!”

Ralph, who was a tad more practical than Greg, stared out the gaping hole Matt had created earlier. He was speechless, but Greg read his expression with familiarity.
“Yeah, I know; I’ll fix that too,” he said. “Just lemme figure out how.” With that, Greg lapsed deep into concentration.

Before he actually had to figure anything out, a glowing letter “G” appeared in the clouds. “Look!” Ralph shouted, “It’s the Greg Signal! But, who even knows you’re here?”

Greg began ticking names off his fingers. “Well, I do, and so do you, but I’m pretty sure neither of us are operating the Greg Signal. And look.” As Greg pointed, the clouds shifted, and what had appeared to be the Greg Signal, which doesn’t exist anywhere outside of New Jersey – or anywhere within New Jersey, either – was revealed instead to be a bright neon sign flashing “GIRLS! GIRLS!! GIRLS!!!” “Come on,” Greg ordered, “We need to get to that building!”

“Because the neon lights are a last sign of some intelligence in the city?” Ralph speculated.

“Ummm…. Yeah, sure.” Greg liked it when he didn’t have to think up his own brilliant plans.

“Okay, but how do we get through there?” Ralph asked, again piping reality into Greg’s pipe-dream mind. “The city is crawling with zombies.”

Greg thought for a moment, then glanced at his PDA calendar. “Of course!” he exclaimed. “There’s only one way through that horde. Quick, Ralph,” quizzed Greg, “what’s the one thing that can repulse even the undead themselves?”

Ralph stammered. “Huh? I dunno…” he shrugged. “Ugly women?”

But Greg was already gone from the room, rushing downstairs.

***

Ralph arrived only a few seconds behind Greg, just in time to hear the answer to the riddle.

“Magic Pro Tour players!” Greg addressed the crowd. “I have need of your special skills! I offer 100 tickets for Magic Online to every man who will form a protective zombie-proof ring around me and my friend here!”

Of course, the players knew Magic Online sucked, and continued drafting. Greg’s trump card, so to speak, was forced. “Okay, okay,” he conceded. “Every man who protects me gets to touch a Beta Black Lotus.” This got the players’ attention.

“Up front?” one asked.

“No, only if you survive,” Greg qualified. Noting they’re dismayed expressions, he quickly added “But you can touch an Alpha Time Walk up front!”

This was too much for the gamers. They all quickly surrounded Greg, who un-sleeved his Time Walk and passed it around the group. When it was safely re-sleeved in his pocket, Greg, Ralph, and their geek shield, headed out as one, towards the strip club.

Greg was quickly dismayed to learn that he had underestimated the zombies’ aversion to Pro Tour players, and was visibly frightened as the gamers began to drop at an alarming rate. Just as the last nerd fell, Greg and Ralph were inside the dark club. As he surveyed the apparently dominatrix style lain out before him, with chains and whips adorning the wall, Greg heard a very un-zombie-like yell from behind. He turned to find an unbelievably hot blonde charging the pair. Having grown accustomed to this action, Greg settled in to accept the young lady. He was a bit surprised when the lady missed, and jumped on top of Ralph instead, who was also a bit surprised.

More than a bit, actually. “Is this how all your day’s go, Greg?” he asked.

Before Greg could answer with an affirmative, the woman spat out “Silence, depalsum!” Ralph looked at Greg helplessly, who shrugged as if to say ‘Go with it.’

The girl chained Ralph’s wrists, ankles, neck, and chest to the stone wall. Then, as Ralph struggled vainly to break free, the girl, who Greg noted was sparsely dressed, even for New Orleans spring break standards, began lighting candles in a circle around her victim. As if under a trance, Ralph quickly fell asleep.

“Alright, alright, hold it. Exposition time,” Greg demanded. “What’s going on here?”

The girl stood up, and her posture seemed to change from the ravaging, fierce warrior woman who just tackled Greg’s partner into a congenial, polite, southern belle. Who just happened to be topless. “Hi!” she beamed. “My name’s Cindy. A Cajun topless necromancer. Nice to meet ya,” she drawled in her enticingly cute New Orleans accent as she extended her hand.

“Greg,” the detective introduced himself, bowing to kiss her wrist formally. “And, not that I’m complaining here, but I thought ordinarily, necromancers were evil.”

Cindy gestured at her shapely body. “Do I really look ‘ordinary’ to you?” she pouted, obviously teasing Greg.

“Good point,” he laughed. He quickly realized, though, that they had more important things to deal with at the moment.

***

When they were finished, Greg pulled up his pants and asked, almost casually, “So, what’s the deal with all the zombies?”

Cindy’s face went back to the serious hunter as she explained: “I am the Selmenta, the only person keeping all of humanity from being overrun by Cajun Zombie Hordes.”

“I see. And, that’s your uniform…?” Greg’s eyes darted from unclad body part to unclad body part on the mythological hottie.

“Well, no, not really.” The friendly Cindy returned. “Ya see, zombie huntin’s kinda a seasonal job, and a girl's gotta eat, ya know?”

Greg understandingly slipped a pair of twenties into the zombie slayer’s red thong, the only article keeping her from being totally nude, except for the thigh straps loaded with what was apparently zombie killing gear.

“Thanks,” she blushed, “but now’s not the time for a lap dance.”

“Yes it is.” Greg flashed her several more twenties.

“Fine,” she sighed, “just a quick one…”

***

Thirty minutes later, a zombie arm flew through the window, interrupting a pair. In the grip of the undead hand was a note, reading:

“To find some of the answers, check the back of the book. But to find them all, go to 109 Spooky Swamp St.”

The note was signed with a large red question mark, dripping in blood. “Geez,” said Greg. “Some people just can’t even other to sign their own names anymore.”

Looking at the address, Cindy mentioned, as though not thinking, “I know that place. It’s the old abandoned were-house on the bog.”

Greg tried to stifle a groan at the obvious were-wolf pun in Cindy’s statement. “Alright then, let’s go!”

“Come on, we can get out through the old underground escape tunnel.”

Surprised, Greg asked “The what?!”

“Oh, you know, all these old strip joints have emergency escape routes.”

“Why?”

Cindy tilted her head as she tried to think of the reason. “You know, I never really thought about it. Go figure.”

Cindy pulled a torch from the backdrop in the back, and the wall opened into a hidden exit. The torch, meanwhile, became a flashlight in Cindy’s hand.

“How’d you do that?” Greg asked.

“A secret from the English isles,” Cindy winked.

As Cindy lead Greg down the dark tunnel, he decided to grow more acquainted with his new partner. In between two bouts of activity vastly inappropriate for a zombie-related emergency, Greg managed to ask “So, what made you want to get into necromancy in the first place?”

Cindy’s answer came as a shock to Greg, who usually was ready for anything: “Jesus,” she chirped. Greg gave her a face that begged for details, so she sat up, leaned back against the rock wall, and explained. “See, as a teenager, I was sorta doubtful of all the biblical miracles, such as the resurrection of Christ. I did some studying and found something crazy. Jesus wasn’t the only dead man walking the streets that day. All of the graveyards were evacuated.

“This stuck me as odd, but when I remembered that Jesus still had his wounds and holes from crucifixion, it hit me. Jesus wasn’t healed by God; he, and the rest of Jerusalem, were zombified. Of course, as an impressionable young teen, I became fascinated with the idea of praising God through necromancy. I practiced and practiced. By the age of fifteen, I had revived a frog I was supposed to dissect. On my seventeenth birthday, I raised my first human.

“However, like Spiderman, I vowed to use my powers only for good. I did some digging, found the role of the Selmenta, and knew I had found my calling. I’ve been doing that, and stripping, ever since.”

Throughout the speech, Greg nodded and grunted agreeably every once in a while, though his gaze never left his partner’s naked chest.

The tunnel wasn’t long, giving the couple plenty of time to waste on their journey, but eventually, the pair emerged from underground, and found themselves at the edge of New Orleans, with wide expanses of swampland all around them. “Over there,” Cindy pointed. “That’s the place.” She stared at the warehouse, listening to her zombie-huntress instincts about the situation.

Greg, meanwhile, stared at Cindy, fighting off somewhat similar instincts. “Quit that,” he told himself quietly.

“You say something, Hun?” Cindy glanced back at him.

“Umm…” Thinking fast, Greg said the first thing that came into his mind. “Duck!” Conveniently, a truck passed by, making Greg’s comment much less random to the untrained eye. The pair watched quietly as the truck drove into the dark building.
“Hmmm....” he thought, somewhat slower. “I thought this place was abandoned.”

“Me too,” Cindy agreed. As another truck approached, she added, “I guess we were wrong.”

“Baby,” Greg smirked, “I'm never wrong.” Keeping his gaze on the truck, Greg waited patiently for the right moment to put his brilliant plan into action. He was interrupted, however, by Cindy, who had an even better plan, which involved jumping onto the truck and riding it into the building. Once inside, and past the platoon of zombie guards, Greg and Cindy leap off the truck and tried to blend in as well as a man in a bright red suit and a woman in a stripper's thong could ever blend in.

From behind a box, the two watched as zombie workers loaded large brown boxes into the trucks. Something seemed out of place to Greg, though. Following his keen interests, he scanned the place for exactly what it is that had tipped his instincts off.

Large brown box. No.

Cindy. No.

Zombie workers. No.

Cindy. Nope.

Tractor trailer trucks. No.

Cindy. Again, no, though it obviously wasn't for lack of trying.

Then he spotted it. A large poster showing a girl tossing up her shirt, with only a censor bar between her naughty bits and any onlookers. Something was written on the bar, but Greg couldn't quite make it out at this distance. Dismayed but intrigued, Greg elbowed Cindy, crouching to his left, in the breast, to show her what he had just found.

“Ow!” Cindy's sharp voice pierced the low din of loading machines and zombies. This called the attention of several nearby loaders, who quickly turned and faced the intruders. Matt the rock showed up in the background, and began to sing 'Thriller'. It was crunch time for the zombie slayers.

Ever the models of versatility, the zombies quickly shifted from a loading mind frame to one of brain devouring slaughter, once again proving the advantages of zombies over your regular workforce. “Hey, Cindy,” Greg quipped, “If we get out of this, remind me to look into an army of zombie slaves.”

“I'll make a note of it,” Cindy deadpanned as she began preparing anti-zombie weaponry. Taking her cue, Greg began to check out his own armaments. His two trusty Walther P38 handguns, fully loaded. Greg flipped the safety on each of the guns to off, then looked up to assess how the situation had changed.

It turns out not much had, and Greg learned the essential downside of zombies. They are dreadful, yes, but they are especially dreadfully slow. “On second thought, I guess I won't need those zombie slaves, if this is how fast they move.”

“What do you mean? I need every second I have here!” Cindy seemed a bit overly panicked, considering the less than threatening nature of their predicament. Greg looked over her shoulder and saw her drawing a delicate, intricate design into a leather canvas she'd lain on the floor. Her brow scrunched in concentration as the zombies crept nearer, step by unyeildingly-slow step.

When one of the zombies was finally less than ten feet away, Greg took the opportunity to put a bullet in the attacker's head. He then grabbed Cindy by the wrist and pulled her off the ground, leaving her half completed sketch where it was. Greg headed for the nearest exit he could see, a pair of large steel doors leading further into the complex, which bore the word “WARNING” in big red letters. Greg turned to Cindy. “Do you think you can get these doors open?”

“Y-yeah, but...” she stammered.

“Just do it, I'll hold them off.” With that, Greg whipped his two pistols in the direction of the slow-moving assailants, and began firing. Though many of his shots took off an arm or a leg, it was only a bullet through the head that seemed to be making the zombies stop. Once the third zombie dropped, Greg took a break from firing to reload, and Cindy was finally able to get his attention again.

“Hey, these doors aren't locked or anything, you know,” she said while demonstrating the fact easily.

“Oh,” was all Greg could think to say.

“But look at this here.” Cindy drew the doors closed again and pointed out the lines under the big red WARNING. It read: 'The following content may be unsuitable for children.' “Thats an odd warning, isn't it?” she asked.

“Yes,” Greg mused. “Oddly familiar...” He'd have to think about it later. Now was a time for action. Greg and Cindy passed through the doors, then barred them shut with a broomstick, sealing in the rest of the zombie workers, who then decided to revert to doing their grudge work. Then they turned to find three zombie janitors, dutifully mopping the hallway floor. Before the zombies had a chance to notice the newcomers, Greg shot away their brooms, then laughed as they became confused as to what exactly was happening. They turned and looked up at Greg with an undead rage, the kind of rage only the undead can give you. Greg took aim with one gun and fired at the enraged zombies, lopping off random limbs.

“Ugh,” Cindy grunted impatiently. “We don't have time for this.” She grabbed his other gun out of his pocket, though Greg noticed she hesitated a bit too long on his other gun. After that, she fired three quick shots into three separate zombie skulls, dropping them in less than a second. “Why do you always insist on playing with your targets? Can't you take anything seriously?”

“Of course not,” Greg replied. “Where's the fun in that?” He was much too embarrassed by Cindy's feat to tell her that he had in fact been aiming for their heads to begin with. He lead Cindy down the rest of the hall without incident, and arrived at a large theater room. A wall of TV's showed drunken college girls revealing their drunken college breasts. In the middle of it, a throne-like chair sat, its back to the adventurers.

Without warning, the chair spun to face Greg and Cindy, revealing a girl. Now, Greg had a habit of calling women in their 20's or 30's 'girls,' so to clarify, the person seated in the chair was barely 18, if. She was dressed in a fine business suit, but that only served to contrast her girlishness with an absurdly mature outfit. She spoke with a girlish voice, even. “Hello. How nice of you to join me.”

“Heh, right,” Greg replied nonchalantly. “Look, babe, is your mom or dad in? I think I've got to kick their ass about now.”

“FOOL!” the girl shouted. “Do not tempt the wrath of Kristen, Mistress of the Undead, lest you be destroyed.”

Greg tried his standard Plan B: charm. “In that case, can I tempt the beauty of Kristen?”

“NO! Imputent Mortal, you cannot sway me!”

“What, are you a lesbian? Should Cindy have...?”

“SILENCE! Don't make me summon my elite guard!” Kristen threatened.

Greg refused to be silent, especially when someone threatened him. “You sure? Cindy does the hottest little thing where she...”

“That does it!” Kristen slapped a big red button on her chair's arm. “Come forth, my zombie minion.” On cue, a dark figure jumped into view, in a decidedly un-zombie-like motion, then brandished a smile and a ninja star. “Behold,” Kristen announced, “the ultimate warrior: Snoop Dogg, ZOMBIE NINJA!”

“Oh, hey, Snoop!” Greg went over to shake the zombie ninja's hand, pleased to run into an old friend. He quickly realized, though, that this was not the old Snoop he remembered, and in fact, that this man wanted to kill him.

“I want to kill you,” the zombified rapper snarled.

“Dude, chill,” Greg said, trying his best to act casual in the face of such great terror. “I can pay you back now. I got the money. Don't I, Cindy?” Cindy nodded her agreement, apparently too terrified to move. “I just figured that after you became a big star you wouldn't need it, you know?” Snoop merely snarled in contention, and Greg was forced to continue. “Look, now, lets just cool off for a second. Why don't you take a seat, drop the ninja stars and BURN IN HELL, ZOMBIE SCUM!!”

Dropping the pretense of being a diplomat, which Greg doubted anyone who knew him would have believed, Greg's hands flew to his pistols as he unleashed a barrage of bullets, all of which were handily dodged by Snoop Dogg's outstanding rap dance moves. “Well, fuck,” Greg said, throwing his now empty guns at the zombie in a show of desperation.

The zombie ninja was now thoroughly angered, and took its opportunity to throw a half-dozen stars at Greg. Without thinking, Greg crouched, placing his head between his legs and closed his eyes. He heard several muffled noises, as well as flesh ripping. Greg cursed under his breath. I never got to see Rawanda. After a few seconds, though, Greg realized that he was in fact not dead. Confused, he aborted his fetal position and checked his surroundings.

In front of him he was a totally nude Cindy, who was standing over a beheaded Zombie Snoop and holding her star-torn thong in her hands. Greg's mind raced trying to figure out what had happened, but Cindy filled him in. “I caught the stars in my thong and flung them back at him,” she explained matter-of-fact-ly. “He never saw it coming.” She gave him a confident grin, and this was enough to quell any question Greg might have had about how her flimsy, sheer, silky smooth thong was capable of deflecting six ninja stars; or anything else about her story for that matter.

“No matter,” announced Kristen, though with significantly less confidence than earlier. “You think that was my last line of defense?”

“I don't think,” answered Greg. “I know. But first, why don't you tell us why you did all this.” He gestured to the grandiose display before the three of them. “Why did you unleash Girls Gone Wild on the world?” Cindy gave him a sharp poke in the ribs.
“Oh, and the zombies too. Why the zombies?”

“Its because... I'm fat.” She stared up at their faces and broke down crying. “You'll never understand all the pain and torment I go through!”

“No, I won't,” affirmed Greg. As far as he could tell, Kristen was anything but fat. She was drop dead gorgeous, and hands down the hottest evil villain he'd ever faced. And that was saying something, considering all the evil hot villains he'd faced.

Kristen continued, through streams of tears. “You can walk around with your swagger and luck and fall out of any situation on top, but not me. Look at me! I came into this world ugly and fat. What do you expect me to do?”

“Dammit bitch! You're hot! Get it through your head!” Greg was growing fed up with her sad-girl pity routine. “Besides, you still haven't explained the Girls Gone Wild, or the zombies.”

“Don't you see?” she cackled. “It's my revenge. My revenge on their kind!” With that she pointed at Cindy, standing naked, beautiful, and flabbergast. “And on the guys who wouldn't ask me out because I'm fat. I made zombies out of all the girls who were posing for my camera, then sent out the videos of them to all the horny guys watching Comedy Central at late nights when they SHOULD have been dating me.”

Greg was confused. This wasn't making any sense to him, or Cindy, by the look on her face. He stood silent, though, and let Kristen finish her monologue in peace.

“The first videos were harmless. They were simply so I could build up a following. This latest batch, though, the one I'm currently loading, this one will have subliminal messages, turning all the viewers into my mindless zombie slaves!”

“Shit!” said Greg. “Cancel my subscription!”

“No! In fact... you will be the first to fall victim to my spell!” With that, the video screens linked together, forming one gigantic warning.

“CINDY!” Greg shouted above the cheesy music. “CLOSE YOUR EYES! WHATEVER HAPPENS, DON'T LOOK AT IT!” Over the announcers voice, describing the wild co-eds doing things you've never seen before, Greg heard Kristen's voice cackling madly, then shouts of denial. The poor girl had fallen pray to her own scheme. Greg shot the VCR before opening his eyes to see Kristen, zombified.

“See hun,” Cindy commented, “NOW you look ugly.” She used the gun she still had to end Kristen's insane suffering.

“Nice work, baby.” Greg kissed Cindy. “You make a great sidekick. So, shall we go celebrate?”

“Yes, let's” Cindy agreed. She wrapped her arm around Greg's waste and the two of them left the warehouse, leaving a trail of clothes behind them.

***

Some time later, back at the old strip club, Snoop was on stage, free-styling, while chicks danced on screen behind him. “Snoop Doggy Dogg just came out of da fog...” Ralph remained chained to the wall, no longer bound by the evil spell, but still in no hurry to leave the newly re-opened strip joint. He was enjoying himself quite fine until Matt decided it was his turn to rap. The giant boulder crashed through the wall, got on stage, and began his own free-verse:

“Screw rolling on dubs, I'm rollin' on thugs, and I got the mugs to show them bugs that I did it. Snoopy Dogg and the shiznit, you can learn rap like that from a kit. Snoop you best just sit down fo' we throw down, how does that sound?”

The End

What To Do....

Okay, so I'm up at 11am! Shock of shocks. I was going to crawl back into bed after chemistry, but I've had this nagging feeling. Like I've said, I should write more. I really have this urge to lay back in bed with... What? A pad of paper? I don't think so. My handwriting is atrocious. I really, REALLY, want a lightweight laptop. something I can carry around and not have it weighing down my chest. Also, something whose battery lasts more than an hour under normal use. That would be my idea plan. I've been looking around at laptops online, and I think I could find one just about a thousand and a half dollars or less. Nothing spectacular. I don't want a high powered gaming machine. I have my current HP notebook for that. (Really, whats the difference between a notebook and a laptop? In my opinion, a notbook is just a portable desktop, while a laptop is actually something you can put on your lap comfortably. The notebook I have now doesn't really, or not as well as it could.) So, once I get a job (crosses fingers: EB EB EB) I'll blow my first few big paychecks on a spiffy little computer, and hopefully I can finally get some of these ideas of mine out into the public, for your reading pleasure.

Of course, all this musing is months away at best. Why am I taunting you with the idea? Why, for that matter, am I taunting myself? Ah well. I have much more pressing issues. Today, I need to get laundry done. That's fairly simple enough, with the major problem being the waiting. I'll have an hour each between starting the first load, switching to the dryer, and retrieving my clothes again. So... What do I do? Obviously, I need to write. But what? I could write another chapter in Calista, or finish translating the last Detective Greg story. Yeah, that's what I should do. Also, a nice shower, maybe I'll read another chapter in "The Sum Of All Fears."

That's right, I've been reading lately. Yay for Greg. Though, as you may have guessed, my pickings have become rather slim, and I'm resorting to Tom Clancy thrillers. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying this book, and almost a third through it, but when I finish, I'm gonna need something else. Any suggestions? I'd love a good comedy. Actually, I've heard good things about the Diskworld series, though I can't figure out where to begin. Beyond that, I really like things that are thought provoking without being overly lecturing. I don't want to read a Steven Hawkings thesis. Well, maybe actually. I dunno. Whatever, I guess. Meanwhile, I'll check out what books the authors of the Star Wars: X-Wing series have done. I really loved the first four book series by Michael A. Stackpole, so I'll look into his other works, see if theres something I've missed. But honestly, any books you've read that are interesting, pass along. Thanks. Later.

24.4.05

I Beat Kingdom Hearts (Redux)

Okay, this is odd.... I thought my last post got eaten by the blogger thing, so I made this. Now I don't want to delete either of them, exceptI really felt the first one was better than this one. This one just was sora done hastily. The second half, anyway. I dunno how I only managed to save half of it, but I did, and it is confusing. Oh well.

Also, I got all the Dalmations last night, and so now, just a few mini-bosses to beat up on. Anyway, enjoy the randomness that my blog affords you.

--------------

You heard right. Last night, I went through and finally finished Kindgom Hearts. It was really really fun, and I'm prolly gonna, over the summer, try and do it again, on hard. Also, I still have a few odds and ends to clear up in the game. You know, the non-story side-quests. I gotta get some more Dalmations, kill a few bosses... (CURSE YOU SEPHIROTH!!!), synthesize a couple of items, you know how it goes. It's really a great game. Towards the end, I started feeling, I don't know, more in tune with Sora. Not in the story line, I'll get to that in a second, but in terms of control. I really felt, I dunno, like I was there, actively controlling him. I'm sure you all either know what I'm talking about, or think I'm crazy. But yeah, there was a little bit of a feeling towards the end of "this is easy." Not "this villian is dumb and simple to defeat," but "I am better than the game." I guess that's sorta how it's supposed to feel, though. In any case, I really enjoyed the feeling.

Storywise, I was a little disappointed. I realize that as the story goes, once you beat the final boss, that's it, but still, I wanted to continue exploring the worlds with my newfound levels I'd gained from the battle. Anyway, the story still was almost a let down. It made perfect sense, and it was what SHOULD have happened, but to me, the story doesn't really feel.... complete.

Okay, SPOILERS. If that doesn't scare you off, you deserve to have it spoiled. Anyway, when it starts, you get Sora stuck on an island with his friends. Life is, for them, perfect. They live in a tropical paradise, Sora's pretty sure he has a girl who loves him in Kairi, or at least a very close friend, as well as his pal Riku, who he has sort of a friendly rivalry with. That is, they compete a lot, but no more than brothers normally do, and you can tell the friendship there is strong. Then, all of a sudden, shitstorm. He is ripped away from his friends and home, and finds himself in a strange place with no one he knows. I like this way of telling a story, where the main character doesn't know anything the audience (gamer, in this case) doesn't. So he's lost, disoriented, and he finds Donald Duck and Goofy... Does Goofy have a last name? Anyway, Donald and Goofy tell him that the big ass key he's been carrying around is the only weapon that can save the Universe, and because Sora's carrying it, he's the one who has to use it. Sora really doesn't want any of it, though. All he wants is his friends back, he could care less about the rest of the world as long as he has his island. Eventually, Donald and Goofy agree to help him if he'll help them, and it seems to work for Sora. He has no idea where his friends are, and so travelling to different worlds to search for them, and fighting a few heartless along the way, seems like a good plan at the moment.

So Sora, Donald, and Goofy go globe hopping, and find out that Riku and Kairi are involved in this whole mess. Great, thinks Sora, once I beat the bad guys, everything goes back to normal, Kairi and Riku and Sora can go home, and all is right in the world. Sora fights on, bravely, knowing in his heart that what he is doing is right, and eventually, he wins! The evil Ansem is thwarted, and the worlds are restored... But Riku was lost to Ansem's darkness (or something, I'm not sure, I guess he sacrificed himself to save everything, I'll need to pay attention again next time), and Kairi, the one Sora was REALLY worried about... She's safe at home, but no one is there with her. And Donald, Goffy, and Sora, are still questing. It all just seems... Incomplete.

I mean, I know theres a sequel in the works, I already have Chain of Memories, but I guess I was hoping for an ending where everything is alright, not just the end to one chapter in Sora's exciting adventures... Oh well, now I know how the Halo 2 people feel.

On a side note, wouldn't it have been funny if one of those Mushroom guys from Fantasia had appeared at the end of the game and said "Sorry Sora, but your princess is in another castle." x_x

Okay, I have 33 Dalmations to rescue, so I'd better get on that. Later folks.

23.4.05

I BEAT KINGDOM HEARTS!!

You heard right. Last night, I went through and finally finished Kindgom Hearts. It was really really fun, and I'm prolly gonna, over the summer, try and do it again, on hard. Also, I still have a few odds and ends to clear up in the game. You know, the non-story side-quests. I gotta get some more Dalmations, kill a few bosses... (CURSE YOU SEPHIROTH!!!), synthesize a couple of items, you know how it goes. It's really a great game. Towards the end, I started feeling, I don't know, more in tune with Sora. Not in the story line, I'll get to that in a second, but in terms of control. I really felt, I dunno, like I was there, actively controlling him. I'm sure you all either know what I'm talking about, or think I'm crazy. But yeah, there was a little bit of a feeling towards the end of "this is easy." Not "this villian is dumb and simple to defeat," but "I am better than the game." I guess that's sorta how it's supposed to feel, though. In any case, I really enjoyed the feeling.

Storywise, I was a little disappointed. I realize that as the story goes, once you beat the final boss, that's it, but still, I wanted to continue exploring the worlds with my newfound levels I'd gained from the battle. Anyway, the story still was almost a let down. It made perfect sense, and it was what SHOULD have happened, but to me, the story doesn't really feel.... complete.

Okay, SPOILERS. If that doesn't scare you off, you deserve to have it spoiled. Anyway, when it starts, you get Sora stuck on an island with his friends. Life is, for them, perfect. They live in a tropical paradise, Sora's pretty sure he has a girl who loves him in Kairi, or at least a very close friend, as well as his pal Riku, who he has sort of a friendly rivalry with. That is, they compete a lot, but no more than brothers normally do, and you can tell the friendship there is strong. Then, all of a sudden, shitstorm. He is ripped away from his friends and home, and finds himself in a strange place with no one he knows. I like this way of telling a story, where the main character doesn't know anything the audience (gamer, in this case) doesn't. So he's lost, disoriented, and he finds Donald Duck and Goofy... Does Goofy have a last name? Anyway, Goofy and Donald. They tell him that big ass key he's been carrying around (and really, it's a very clever way to make the weapon, this 'Keyblade') is an item of magical power, and because he bears it, he is destined to save the universe from the heartless. And really, Sora doesn't want it. He couldn't care less about the rest of the world. He just wants his island back, and his friends. But Donald and Goofy promise that they'll help him if he helps them, so off they go. It doesn't hurt that Sora has a good sense of right and wrong.

So they go off, traveling from world to world, sealing keyholes and whatnot, and eventually Sora learns that somehow Riku and Kairi are involved in this too. So yay, they have convergent goals. When they save the worlds, Sora's friends will be saved too. He presses on, ends up dueling a corrupted Riku, eventually freeing his friend from the darkness, he fights the evil overlord and wins, and... Kairi disappears. He and her are seperated. Kairi's back on her island, safe and sound, but neither Sora nor Riku are with her. It's really sad. The game's last image is one of Sora, Donald, and Goofy, walking together, trying to figure out what to do next.

That's it? Game over? I knew going into it that there was a sequel yet to be made, but when you get such a good game, that's almost taken for granted. But at the end of the game, the world is always set to perfection again, only to be ruined just before the next game. Mario's princess was right there at the end of world 8-4. I dunno, at the end of Kingdom Hearts, I almost expected one of those mushrooms from Fantasia to pop up and say "I'm sorry Sora, but your princess is in another castle." u_u

Okay, enough of the review of Kingdom Hearts. I'm gonna go see about getting those last Dalmations, and unlocking that kickass KH2 Video. Later all, and thanks for listening to my ramblings about the game. Seriously, I love it, and if you have a PS2, you should get it. I promise you won't regret it.

21.4.05

Late Breaking News

Washington, D.C. - The public was stunned today when President Bush unveiled his Orbital Command Station, dubbed by many to be his own personal Death Star.

Bush unveiled the until recently secret station with a grandeous speech. "American power in the world has been questioned too much by too many parties, both domestic and abroad. With the Orbital Command Station in orbit overhead, the world will know that America can and will defend her interests, through force if neccessary."

"The OCS," explained a white house, "is the most advanced space station ever constructed by mankind." The station will be able to house over 100 people, and have a formitable defencive capabilities. "From orbit, we will have striking capabilities covering the entire Western Hemisphere, and command over U.S. Military Stations throughout the world."

The station has a supply of 48 tactical nuclear missiles, as well two hundred anti-air turrets, specially modified for use in the vacuum of space. However, the most impressive weapon on the station is its superlaser. Unlike the Death Star from Star Wars, this station's weapon lacks the power to destroy an entire planet, though it can devastate an entire city in a single blast.

"Also," added the spokeman, "I would like to stress firmly that this station, unlike those in the movies, has no easily navigated trenches or tunnels leading to a single undefended weak spot. SO STOP LOOKING!"

In his speech, Bush revealed that the station, which was originally meant to be unveiled in the year 2013. "However, in light of recent tragedys and the current international situation, I've asked for our engineers to redouble their efforts."

The station was unveiled this morning in an announcment that shocked the Global Community. Though no foreign powers have come forward and formally spoken out against the OCS, underground rumblings point towards a large amount of mistrust and fear towards this new step in US foreign policy.

Tomorrow morning the first shuttles will leave for the station, filling it with chief executive branch members. Dick Cheney was sent aboard months back, and it is rumored to have served as his "undisclosed location" during previous years. Bush mentioned that starting tomorrow, the OCD would be replacing the White House as the Executive Branches "Seat of Power," as he called it, and is being placed in geosynchranous orbit over Washington D.C.

In other news, several Republican Congressmen, in addition to several of the more conservative Supreme Court Justices, were found making hasty travel plans. Many Democrats suspect a trap, but unfortunately, their party lacks sufficient leadership to form any responce.

------

I don't know, I just felt like writing that out.

20.4.05

Holy Crap

This is truly a great read. I know I've done 3 posts here, and two have been about nothing, but I really wanted to get this out. It's great. He wrote the story of a lightsaber duel in Star Wars : Jedi Outcast. It's quite simply great story telling. I've read a lot of his other works as well; he's apparently trying to create a new wave of video games journalism in which the writer doesn't simply describe the game, he describes the experience. So far, I like what I see. This guy just got bookmarked.

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Edit@5:39

Along the same vein as above... relating to the personal experience of gaming, though a bit NSFW, if that applies here. That said, I know a couple of people (boyfriend and girlfriend, as a matter of fact) who really enjoy the game REZ. I'm not sure though, whether or not they enjoy it quite this way.

o_0

My Writing Backlog

I've recently noticed I have a serious backlog of writing works in need of completion. For instance:

G.S. Calista hit a stand still... I know where it needs to go, I just can't quite figure out how to get there. I'm sure I'll get there.

My third 'Detective Greg' story is half translated from the bastion of AIM-sp33k it was birthed in, and I need to finish that sooner or later.

I've got, I believe, part one and half of part two written and waiting somewhere for a three part story called 'Dark-Noon', the story of a indiginous population reacting to an Earth colony, told based on the occurance of a full moon, an event that, due to some strangeness in orbits, only occurs once every 7 or so years for the planet.

I have in my head still the survivors of a massive attack by a Sky-net analog, and how they survive and so forth. I think it's a good universe to write stories in, if I can just get off my lazy bum and create them.

(On a slight tangent there, I noticed that I'm much better at creating places and characters than I am at creating a story / conflict. It's very frustrating to have to write a story which goes, "Bob and Jeff were friends. One day, they found some money. They went to the store and bought a comic book. The end." Or something like that. I can create an interesting universe, but the conflict within is much more difficult. I refer you all to the story I wrote on the blog's first anniversary. Perfectly interesting universe, but about half way through I realized that nothing was happening. Greg (the character in the story; I have a problem with writing myself in stories) wasn't doing anything, so I threw in the robots at the end. I'm nearly afraid they're tacked on. I guess it worked that time, but it happens to me more often than not that I'll get a good idea for a story-telling universe and nothing to do in it. That's why I want to go into game design. Populate a universe with characters, and then leave a player to explore and cause his own conflict. I'm sure one or more player could enjoy that.)

Okay, enough with the aside. I mentioned earlier that I was toying with the idea of writing to the dinner alluded to in my insane convo a few posts down. The more I think about it, the more I like the idea of it, except I again ran into the problem of no conflict. People come for the dinner, and it is an INTERESTING dinner, but hardly eventful. Then I got the idea of having an outsider come in, and see how she would react to it. I'm still working on that idea, but it is the kind of story I would write in an evening, once I have the sequence of events drawn out. So I guess we'll all look forward to that.

Also, all the pictures from the previous post, and James' mention of the play "The Emperor's New Clothes," has given me the weirdest idea. True, no one wants to see Palpatine in his wrinkly old birthday suit, but... "The Emperors New Clones." I don't quite know what it's about yet, and I think that's a good thing.

Okay, I have a laundry list. Maybe one of these days I'll get to work on some of it.

A Few Days Ago, In A Vatican Far, Far Away...

I feel vaguely certain that I've linked to Bunny before, but this was worth noting. And it's a scary thing. I mean, just... look:




According to this, we're down to our last Pope before Satan takes over in the end of days. Now, the page claims it wasn't edited since the 6th, and predicted that the new (current) Pope would come from the order of St. Benedict (twice, which is oddly suspicious), but I am still wary of retroactively edited prophecies, such as the "prediction" Nostradamus had about September 11th. I'd heard that one just a few days before, in a vastly different form, so I'm not too keen to note propecies. It is interesting to look at, though, especially with all the crazyness going on around the world. I feel like such an old man asking this, but is the world really going to hell in a handbasket in recent years, or did I just start paying more attention lately? I'm beginning to think Matt has it right; he never pays attention to anything. I feel that he's dumb about it, but he seems to be doing well.

Anyway, I suppose I really shouldn't care about the Pope. I'm not Catholic. Hell, I'm barely even Christian at all, I'm just too lazy to research other religions to see where I fit. I really don't like the idea of fitting, either. I like the idea that my relationship with wahtever greater power there might be is a personal thing, not just something I did because everyone else did it. I don't want to put down everyone, because I've met people who are very secure in their faiths, and that's great for them. It obviously works, they haven't been smote or anything. But I do also see a lot of people who seem to just go through the motions, and try to fit their beliefs to match an existing religion, which to me seems backwards.

I don't quite know what I believe, but I feel that, at least for me, I do believe enough. I know there's a higher power; there's too much random shit for there not to be, and a mechanical universe winding down really does seem depressing. I like to believe that there is at least something that lies outside the normal laws of the universe. Theres no reason for me to believe it, except I refuse to believe that every effect has a concrete cause, basically. I have to believe that there is inspiration and pure creativity in life. Of course, there's really no way to prove that I'm right, either way, but that's what makes a belief not a belief, really. I don't believe the sky is blue, the sky IS blue, that's empirical fact, not belief. However, I BELIEVE that a power beyond the mechanical universe must exist. In my mind, the two ideas have the same veracity, but I know in detached part of my brain that my belief will not weigh up in another persons mind the way a fact does. It will, however, in my mind. Interesting little minutae, huh?

Ok, no epic post tonite. Well... I dunno. Medium sized.

18.4.05

Greg Forever

I've found the coolest thing. All you can do is look and be amazed and refresh and look again. Buwahaha.

generated by sloganizer.net

How rediculous is this? Which gives me another good idea:

generated by sloganizer.net

Ok, night.

Things Are Gonna Be Alright

For those of you whom I haven't yelled it too so far, Jackie and me seem to be back together, so I'm glad about that. Yay me. No more being a Clorbag. ^_^

Also, everyone, I'm seriously not into the stuff I wrote about last night. Not really. I don't need it to be referenced in every conversation I have from now on. Maybe, if you're really good, I'll write up a story of the dinner I was mentioning in it, but that's not going up on here. You'll have to ask me specially. And that is seriously the end of that, alright?

In other news, people complained about my buddy icon. For reference, it was this:
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Taken, of course, from this:
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Apparently, some people (*cough* straight girls *cough*) don't like looking at female belly buttons. Go figure. So, I must replace it with a new icon. I've selected, out of a strong field of pictures, ranging from the sexy to the cute to the awesome, two images to represent myself. The trick to selecting a good icon is that you only have a limited space to put it in. 64x64 is AIM's upper limit. So you need something that is spot on amazing, and instantly recognizable for what it is. People got confused by my old icon of the Tatu girls kissing, thinking one of them was a boy. So, I need some recognizable stuff. Like, say, a belly. Only not that, because people don't like it. So, my two contenders?

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Insane Kool-Aid Man:
Taken from todays Applegeeks, I love the amazing image of Kool busrting through a wall. Unfortunately, when you get to 64x64, a video of Kool busting through the wall doesn't work. It's too tiny, too grainy, whatever. So here, I get the image of Kool, in Hawk's bad-ass art style, bursting through, and attacking a guy! And I think that all comes through here.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

But the question is, how does it stack up to...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Pichu spanking itself:
Sure, Pokemon is some 10 years old. I still play it though, and the sight of this yellow guy smacking his (her?) butt has its own unique hilarity. The problem lies in that the image is really a tiny looped video, and I can't save .gifs, so instead I ended up with a .jpg, but I think it translates rather well.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Right now, the Pichu has the place of honor, but only because I started selecting an image by searching though my saved images. Right now, I could almost go either way, given a proper push. So, feel free. Weigh in.

And I'll leave you on this note. If anyone asks, I am Thomas Jefferson, and I wrote the Declaration of Independance.

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Edit@10:40

That last little quip at the end, based on an outrageous claim I made last night to a friend of Jackie's by the way, has given me a great idea. Consider this as part of your decision.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Thomas Jefferson, Third President of the United States:
How can you argue with him? He wrote the Declaration of Independance, and did all bought the Louisiana Purchase, and was the first man on Mars. I may be making things up, but still, he was pretty great, if not awesome. The picture leaves a little to be desired, but eh.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Okay folks, happy voting.

17.4.05

Recreational Bullshit

I told James the other day about what I call recreational bullshitting, that is bullshitting in which both parties are in on the bull and are just keeping it going, back and forth... I guess it's improv really, or roleplay, since it's online. Roleplay, though, usually involves creating a narrative in the present tense, where-as what I was doing with him, and the bulk of what follows, is mostly past tense. And at least on my end, it's nearly all made up on the spot. I LOVE doing things like this. I take a really simple premise, a line or two, and just run with it. And when I run with something, I RUN with it. Like Forrest Gump-run. Actually, that's not true. If I get a stop sign, I'll stop. I make sure that everyone knows I'm running with a joke, and if there's any question, it's not fun. Like I said, its for both people. I really like preforming for an audience. I REALLY like an interactive experience, where the idea gets bounced off my partner, rather than just absorbed with a string of "Yeah, sure" and "riiight" style answers in the affirmative. But the ability to create a history, a back story, a life, practically, out of nothing.

Anyway, so what follows is entirely fiction. I want you to know that, because what follows is HIGHLY objectionable material, and I in NO WAY advocate, endorse, or condone the things my character says or does, or what Megan (my dinner guest) says or does, for that matter. I know you all know I would never EVER do anything like that in real life. It really is just SO over the top and so extreme that no one should believe it is actually possible at all. I hope it's not, or I am sad for humanity.

Like I said, thers some rough stuff there, so if you want to skip it (I'll have a little extra at the end for summery or something) then just type the term "NAKED MOLE RAT" into your find box to skip over the conversation. I promise there's nothing TOO graphic. Nothing worse than say, the dinner scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Okay, here goes.


Effervescence 34: okay, im bored now
Effervescence 34: dance for me
dysthymicquokka: on your lap?
Effervescence 34: no
dysthymicquokka: haha
Effervescence 34: im a good boy
dysthymicquokka: *dances*
Effervescence 34: with a girlfriend
dysthymicquokka: yes you are
Effervescence 34: stop trying to get me in trouble
dysthymicquokka: *pats head*
dysthymicquokka: haha
Effervescence 34: *blush*
dysthymicquokka: rofl
dysthymicquokka: you are just so innocent
Effervescence 34: yes
Effervescence 34: inside this harsh exterior beats the heart of a 5 year old schoolboy
Effervescence 34: at least, it was beating when i ate it
dysthymicquokka: haha
dysthymicquokka: yummy
Effervescence 34: mmm
Effervescence 34: ive also got his pancreas and weiner in me
dysthymicquokka: of a five year old..very nice
Effervescence 34: he wasnt using it
dysthymicquokka: was he an alter boy?
dysthymicquokka: altar*
Effervescence 34: obviously
dysthymicquokka: rofl
dysthymicquokka: then he was using it but involuntarily
Effervescence 34: no he wasnt
Effervescence 34: his pastor dumped him cuz he was too old
Effervescence 34: poor boy
Effervescence 34: u_u
dysthymicquokka: aw yes poor boy
dysthymicquokka: then it was a good thing that you ate his pancreas and wiener
Effervescence 34: i think i may have a few parts left
Effervescence 34: want a 4 foot long lower intestine?
Effervescence 34: o_0
dysthymicquokka: sure
Effervescence 34: *drapes it around your neck like a boa scarf thingy*
Effervescence 34: ^_^
dysthymicquokka: hehe yay!
Effervescence 34: now you look pretty!
dysthymicquokka: *twirls intestine boa around*
dysthymicquokka: yay!
dysthymicquokka: i'll win miss america for sure!
Effervescence 34: just... dont let any cops see you wearing that.... theyre still looking for the kid, i think
Effervescence 34: *eye shift right*
Effervescence 34: *eye shift left*
dysthymicquokka: okay
dysthymicquokka: will do
Effervescence 34: or if you do...
Effervescence 34: paint it or something
dysthymicquokka: i think they're already after me
Effervescence 34: maybe they wont recognize it
Effervescence 34: oh
Effervescence 34: hrmm
Effervescence 34: USE IT AS A DISGUISE!
Effervescence 34: and you can use this as a mask!
Effervescence 34: *rips the kids face off*
Effervescence 34: o_o
Effervescence 34: eeeww
Effervescence 34: maybe not
dysthymicquokka: haha
Effervescence 34: *eats the face*
Effervescence 34: oh well
Effervescence 34: tastes like chicken
dysthymicquokka: *sucks on intestine* taste like..... ramen ^.^
Effervescence 34: hehe
Effervescence 34: hrmm
Effervescence 34: *adds the boys balls to a necklace hes wearing*
Effervescence 34: o_o
Effervescence 34: oooooo
Effervescence 34: like that
dysthymicquokka: its pretty
Effervescence 34: thank you
Effervescence 34: *blushes*
dysthymicquokka: haha
Effervescence 34: im gonna need a longer string soon
Effervescence 34: o_O
dysthymicquokka: you should use the heart as the center piece
Effervescence 34: but thats the tastiest part
Effervescence 34: and theyre pretty big
Effervescence 34: compared to your average 5 year olds balls, his heart is huge
dysthymicquokka: true true
dysthymicquokka: use the scrotum then
Effervescence 34: hrmm
Effervescence 34: maybe
Effervescence 34: or maybe a little dickie?
Effervescence 34: if i did it right, i could make them look like teeth
dysthymicquokka: you very well could
Effervescence 34: ^_^
Effervescence 34: ah well
Effervescence 34: nothing i can do about that now
dysthymicquokka: i suppose not
dysthymicquokka: what did you do with his feet?
Effervescence 34: hrmm
Effervescence 34: i dunno
Effervescence 34: it depends on the mood im in
Effervescence 34: do you have any ideas?
dysthymicquokka: no
dysthymicquokka: i dont really like feet
Effervescence 34: me neither
Effervescence 34: i mean... sometimes i'll eat the toes in barbeque sause
Effervescence 34: and the fingers too
dysthymicquokka: yeah
dysthymicquokka: but the feet in a whole is just disgusting
dysthymicquokka: yeah i like the fingers on skewers
Effervescence 34: hmm
Effervescence 34: brains are fun
Effervescence 34: i use them to scare kids on halloween
Effervescence 34: and the skeletons
dysthymicquokka: haha yeah
Effervescence 34: one year i labeled them, so the kids would know what happened to their friends
Effervescence 34: the parents didnt like that
Effervescence 34: "its not in good taste"
Effervescence 34: fuck them, they were fucking delicious
dysthymicquokka: haha exactly
Effervescence 34: heh
Effervescence 34: the weirdest problem though
Effervescence 34: what do i do with 5 choirboys outfits?
dysthymicquokka: i know a person who would do anything to have them haha
Effervescence 34: hmmm
dysthymicquokka: know c*** b***?
Effervescence 34: nope
Effervescence 34: why does she want that?
dysthymicquokka: she has a strange fetish for altar boys
Effervescence 34: so does she just want the outfit?
Effervescence 34: or is she competing for my food supply?
Effervescence 34: o_0!
dysthymicquokka: she likes them alive
dysthymicquokka: she's a yaoi obsessor
Effervescence 34: ooh
Effervescence 34: hrmm
Effervescence 34: me too
Effervescence 34: o_o
Effervescence 34: shhhh
Effervescence 34 wants to directly connect.
dysthymicquokka is now directly connected.
Effervescence 34:
dysthymicquokka: haha awesome
Effervescence 34: yup
Effervescence 34: o_O
dysthymicquokka: very nice
Effervescence 34: thank you
Effervescence 34: its like my favorite picture ever
Effervescence 34: ^_^
dysthymicquokka: you like the tease then or all the way?
dysthymicquokka: haha its very nice
Effervescence 34: oh, i dont like to go anal
Effervescence 34: i may blow a boy if he asked me nicely though
Effervescence 34: o_o
dysthymicquokka: haha blow jobs are fun all around!
Effervescence 34: yup yup
Effervescence 34: 69's doubly so
dysthymicquokka: oh yes
dysthymicquokka: have to love those 69's
Effervescence 34: and then i get the video
Effervescence 34: and EVERYONE feels like they're in on the fun
Effervescence 34: hehe
dysthymicquokka: hehe oh yes
Effervescence 34: *licks a dripping bone*
Effervescence 34: thigh?
Effervescence 34: *offers you a severed leg*
Effervescence 34: o_o
dysthymicquokka: thank you!
Effervescence 34: you're welcome
dysthymicquokka: *licks leg up and down*
dysthymicquokka: mmm
dysthymicquokka: now that is good altar boy
Effervescence 34: isnt it?
Effervescence 34: hehe
Effervescence 34: i never met a kindergardener i didnt like
Effervescence 34: at least not after a dash of paprica
dysthymicquokka: hahaha
Effervescence 34: *kisses the back of Jakie's hand before biting some skin off it*
dysthymicquokka: aw
Effervescence 34: magnifique
dysthymicquokka: very nice
Effervescence 34: isnt it?
Effervescence 34: *sucks on the thumb*
Effervescence 34: these things really are delicious
Effervescence 34: i dont get why parents dont like kids sucking on them
dysthymicquokka: yes they are perfectly salty
dysthymicquokka: yeah i dont know
dysthymicquokka: good practice in some aspects
Effervescence 34: exactly
Effervescence 34: i like to keep them as long as i can
Effervescence 34: *pulls the thumb out to the bone*
Effervescence 34: theyre like cute little pink lolipops
dysthymicquokka: aw yes they are
Effervescence 34: hehe
Effervescence 34: loli-pops
Effervescence 34: i didnt mean the pun
Effervescence 34: yet there it is
Effervescence 34: o_o
dysthymicquokka: haha
Effervescence 34: *sucks on it more*
Effervescence 34: hrmm
Effervescence 34: the lungs never taste good till after you cook them
Effervescence 34: and surprisingly, they taste best in the microwave
Effervescence 34: its funny, they inflate in there, you know?
Effervescence 34: ive never seen them pop
dysthymicquokka: yeah i've tried it a few times
Effervescence 34: but its like a big squishy souflette
dysthymicquokka: yeah i always thought they would
dysthymicquokka: the stomach tends to do that though
dysthymicquokka: so i like to boil them
Effervescence 34: oh yeah, gotta boil the tummy
Effervescence 34: heh
dysthymicquokka: heeh
Effervescence 34: and empty it too
Effervescence 34: you never know what the kids been eating, and you dont want to risk that
dysthymicquokka: true true
dysthymicquokka: the only thing i dont like about younger boys is they lack that protein shake... they dont have alot of meat on them either but they do have variety
Effervescence 34: yeah, but theyre much more presentable
Effervescence 34: im hosting a dinner party made of Ms. Petersons 1st grade class next week, you should see the spread we have in mind
dysthymicquokka: wow must be beautiful
Effervescence 34: we've got each of their skulls set up as a serving bowl
dysthymicquokka: i would love to attend
dysthymicquokka: oh wow how formal
Effervescence 34: and silverware made of pure ivory boy bone
Effervescence 34: hehe
Effervescence 34: yes
Effervescence 34: we strive for perfection
Effervescence 34: did you know that each hip bone of a 6 year old makes the perfect little plate?
dysthymicquokka: oh really?
Effervescence 34: theyre practically pre wrapped meals
dysthymicquokka: i would have never thought of that
Effervescence 34: its really remarkable
dysthymicquokka: wow they are
dysthymicquokka: it is
Effervescence 34: ^_^
Effervescence 34: you gotta take pride in what you do
dysthymicquokka: yes you do
Effervescence 34: *spears the liver with a rib*
Effervescence 34: ^_^
Effervescence 34: want some?
dysthymicquokka: very much so
Effervescence 34: *tilts the liver towards your mouth*
dysthymicquokka: *takes bite*
Effervescence 34: great, huh?
Effervescence 34: *pulls it back and takes a bite from the other side*
dysthymicquokka: it is
dysthymicquokka: ^.^
Effervescence 34: *hands you a rib*
Effervescence 34: go on, take your pick
dysthymicquokka: hrm.....i think i'll take some of the spleen
dysthymicquokka: *stabs spleen*
dysthymicquokka: *sucks juices out*
Effervescence 34: ooh, good choice
dysthymicquokka: yes it is qutie delicious
Effervescence 34: *hands you a napkin
dysthymicquokka: thankyou
Effervescence 34: youve got a little spleen juice on your chin
dysthymicquokka: haha pardon me
Effervescence 34: *finishes the liver*
Effervescence 34: oh, its alright
Effervescence 34: this is an informal meal, after all
dysthymicquokka: true
Effervescence 34: *tears out some back muscle strips and rips at it like raw steak*
dysthymicquokka: ooh nice
Effervescence 34: yeah
Effervescence 34: buttock?
Effervescence 34: he did have two
Effervescence 34: and they're very cute
Effervescence 34: hehe
dysthymicquokka: aww then i must indulge
Effervescence 34: left or right?
dysthymicquokka: im not picky you can choose
Effervescence 34: well, you got his right one on your side, so that seems easier
dysthymicquokka: sounds good to me
Effervescence 34: *saws his ass off the bone*
Effervescence 34: there you go
dysthymicquokka: thankyou
dysthymicquokka: *takes a bite*
Effervescence 34: mmmm
dysthymicquokka: might fine ass
dysthymicquokka: haha
Effervescence 34: its so chewy
Effervescence 34: ^_^
dysthymicquokka: it is
Effervescence 34: *rolls a chunk around in his mouth with a big smile on his mouth*
dysthymicquokka: hehe
Effervescence 34: ahh... 1999.... a very good year
Effervescence 34: hehe
dysthymicquokka: it is a good year
dysthymicquokka: would red or white wine go better with ass?
Effervescence 34: oh, red, obviously
dysthymicquokka: im thinking a red would compliment the rich taste
dysthymicquokka: oh yes
Effervescence 34: but whatever the beverage, you gotta mix it with at least a hint of the boys blood
Effervescence 34: thats the best part
dysthymicquokka: yes it is
Effervescence 34: speaking of...
Effervescence 34: i dont have any wine, but i saved a few bottles of blood
Effervescence 34: *takes a sip*
Effervescence 34: o negative, i think
Effervescence 34: but im not positive
Effervescence 34: ^_^
dysthymicquokka: hehe
Effervescence 34: *licks his lips and takes another bite of firm ass*
Effervescence 34: ^_^
dysthymicquokka: there appears to be hickey on my piece of ass haha
dysthymicquokka: did you play with him first?
Effervescence 34: maybe a lil...
Effervescence 34: you have to tease and tenderize the meat, after all
dysthymicquokka: very true
dysthymicquokka: that may be the funnest part
Effervescence 34: oh definitely
dysthymicquokka: but the taste is the most satisfying
Effervescence 34: oh yes
Effervescence 34: as is the company; I don't entertain much over boys, as you can imagine
dysthymicquokka: yes i can see that
Effervescence 34: i try to be civil though
dysthymicquokka: thats good
dysthymicquokka: but a little fun sometimes takes some animal instincts
Effervescence 34: sometimes
Effervescence 34: that comes in during the hunting, playing, and then the kill
dysthymicquokka: oh yes
Effervescence 34: and then sometimes when you eat, especially when we lack forks
Effervescence 34: *bites out of the boys bicep*
dysthymicquokka: haha yes
Effervescence 34: i always feel silly now, but ever since i was a kid, i'd always imagine that I was some kind of dinosaur whenever I ate meat straight from the bone
Effervescence 34: be it kindergardener or KFC
dysthymicquokka: haha
dysthymicquokka: thats kind of cute
Effervescence 34: well, its cute when you're jakies age
Effervescence 34: but when your my age, you cant act that way
Effervescence 34: u_u
dysthymicquokka: aw
Effervescence 34: oh well
Effervescence 34: *munches hungrilly*
dysthymicquokka: haha
Effervescence 34: hrmm
Effervescence 34: *licks the bone and sucks on it*
dysthymicquokka: *sucks on rib*
Effervescence 34: *lays back and sucks on the thumb-cicle*
Effervescence 34: well
Effervescence 34: i think im done
Effervescence 34: *looks at the empty skull*
dysthymicquokka: yeah i think i've had my fill too
Effervescence 34: *moves its mouth like a puppet* "me too!"
Effervescence 34: heh
dysthymicquokka: haha
Effervescence 34: want it?
dysthymicquokka: sure
Effervescence 34: *tosses it to you like a ball*
dysthymicquokka: *catches it*
Effervescence 34: enjoy
dysthymicquokka: thankyou
Effervescence 34: oh shoot, now what am i gonna do with a skeleton without a head?
Effervescence 34: it wont work at halloween that way, will it?
dysthymicquokka: hrm
dysthymicquokka: i suppose not
dysthymicquokka: well
dysthymicquokka: you can do a lot of things with bones
Effervescence 34: maybe i could make a little pickit fence around my other boys
dysthymicquokka: do you want the skull back?
dysthymicquokka: that would be nice
Effervescence 34: you can keep the skull, i have more than enough
Effervescence 34: i enjoy being creative with my boys
dysthymicquokka: oh thankyou
Effervescence 34: ^_^
dysthymicquokka: haha
dysthymicquokka: me too
Effervescence 34: *looks at a thigh bone*
Effervescence 34: i could make a dildo outta this
Effervescence 34: o_o
dysthymicquokka: haha fun
dysthymicquokka: i like the real thing better though
Effervescence 34: well obviously
dysthymicquokka: haha yep
Effervescence 34: but you gotta use something to break in little girls
dysthymicquokka: true
dysthymicquokka: but you cant 69 with a dildo
Effervescence 34: i mean, i dont know about the guys you have or have not run into in the past
Effervescence 34: but id hurt a poor girl without preparing her
Effervescence 34: true though
dysthymicquokka: haha yeah i've heard your quite...well endowed you can put it
Effervescence 34: is jackie telling tales out of school?
dysthymicquokka: only to a few lucky to hear
dysthymicquokka: 8 inches is it?
Effervescence 34: hehe
Effervescence 34: my lips arent as loose as hers, im afraid
dysthymicquokka: well
dysthymicquokka: i'll take that as a yes
Effervescence 34: *finishes the last bit of ass*
dysthymicquokka: hehe
Effervescence 34: okay
Effervescence 34: hmmm....
Effervescence 34: *slices off a workable length of short intestine*
Effervescence 34: *slurps it like spaghetti*
dysthymicquokka: oh thats right i still have that on my neck... well i think i'll save it who knows what my next bondage buddiies' fetish will be?
Effervescence 34: wait
Effervescence 34: which did i give you
Effervescence 34: i thought i gave you the short one.... so i should be eating the long one
Effervescence 34: i always get them confused
dysthymicquokka: lower intestine
dysthymicquokka: 4 feet
Effervescence 34: okay, u got the short one
dysthymicquokka: okay
Effervescence 34: im eating the long one
Effervescence 34: you'd think a guy like me would be able to figure this stuff out
Effervescence 34: but i've just learned them as the fat one and the skinny one
dysthymicquokka: well you may be too happy to notice
Effervescence 34: true
dysthymicquokka: haha yeah
Effervescence 34: its all so phallic!
Effervescence 34: o_o
Effervescence 34: whoever designed these boys must have been really obsessed with penises
Effervescence 34: what is it they say? god is a woman?
Effervescence 34: heh
dysthymicquokka: haha
Effervescence 34: i think it just goes to show you
dysthymicquokka: well i think everyone loves a good penis
Effervescence 34: every part of them is a phallic symbol or part of a dinette set
dysthymicquokka: haha so true
Effervescence 34: or both
Effervescence 34: ^_^
Effervescence 34: so either god was a woman, or gay
Effervescence 34: o_0
Effervescence 34: and martha stewart is the devil
dysthymicquokka: haha all is true
Effervescence 34: amazing what you can figure out when you rip a few innocent cute boys open
dysthymicquokka: haha yes it is
Effervescence 34: thank you jake *kisses his arm before biting it*
dysthymicquokka: its so sweet to show affection before pain
dysthymicquokka: or the other way around
dysthymicquokka: or at the same time
Effervescence 34: well ive found theres often very little difference
dysthymicquokka: true
Effervescence 34: of course, at this point, jake isnt feeling pain
Effervescence 34: but i do try to make him feel happiest just before i begin to butcher
dysthymicquokka: thats good
Effervescence 34: and even in death, i like to honor him for being my meal
Effervescence 34: hes giving me the highest gift in my mind
dysthymicquokka: yes he has
dysthymicquokka: thankyou for sharing that gift of life
Effervescence 34: you're welcome, from both me and jake
dysthymicquokka: yes thankyou jake as well
Effervescence 34: *kisses and bites jakes decapitated neck*
Effervescence 34: this was always a fun part for me
dysthymicquokka: a vampire kiss how nice
Effervescence 34: cept a vampire wont take a chunk of your throat with him
Effervescence 34: *grits his teeth to show the flesh between*
dysthymicquokka: well if he's mad he might
Effervescence 34: but im not mad
Effervescence 34: *kisses and nibbles playfully*
Effervescence 34: im very happy
dysthymicquokka: hehe
dysthymicquokka: so am i
Effervescence 34: well, im not sharing the neck
Effervescence 34: its mine
dysthymicquokka: fine i'll get my own from the next guy i see...
dysthymicquokka: *shifty eyes right*
dysthymicquokka: *shifty eyes left*
dysthymicquokka: ^.^
dysthymicquokka: V.V
Effervescence 34: not me, of course
dysthymicquokka: well i cant see you
Effervescence 34: oh good
Effervescence 34: remind me to keep away from you
dysthymicquokka: well you wont be the next guy i see
Effervescence 34: hrmm
dysthymicquokka: so you shouldnt worry
Effervescence 34: nope
Effervescence 34: though im also somewhat jealous of the guy
Effervescence 34: always being the eater, never the meal
dysthymicquokka: yes
Effervescence 34: there is always that tinge of curiosiry
dysthymicquokka: there is
dysthymicquokka: you could always eat a meal of your body...
dysthymicquokka: but its not the same
Effervescence 34: no, never
Effervescence 34: dont eat where you work,
Effervescence 34: or work where you eat
dysthymicquokka: haha very true
Effervescence 34: or something
Effervescence 34: *peels a pectoral muscle from his remaining ribs*
Effervescence 34: hrmm
Effervescence 34: speaking of creativity
Effervescence 34: *sandwiches it between two flaps of skin and eats it like a burger*
Effervescence 34: ^_^
dysthymicquokka: yum!
dysthymicquokka: yes very creative
Effervescence 34: yup yup
Effervescence 34: they say the skin is what makes you fact, but kindergardeners are so lean to begin with, i dont think i need to worry
dysthymicquokka: no i dont think you do either
Effervescence 34: i mean, if i wanted to be HEALTHY i guess I could just target the chubby ones
Effervescence 34: but they're no fun
dysthymicquokka: no they arent
Effervescence 34: i like the cute skinny scrawny boys
dysthymicquokka: hehe they are cute
Effervescence 34: if you find something cuter, let me know
dysthymicquokka: okay i will
Effervescence 34: you know what the hardest part?
Effervescence 34: not growing attached
dysthymicquokka: aw i know
Effervescence 34: i've got 3 perfectly good meals chained up in my basement cuz i couldnt bring myself to eat them
dysthymicquokka: eyes kill me
Effervescence 34: yeah, the eyes
dysthymicquokka: and their eyes hold such innocence in their tears
Effervescence 34: when they cry, it just breaks my heart
dysthymicquokka: me too
Effervescence 34: so yeah, i get to keep a few pets
dysthymicquokka: i try to make them as happy as possible but the tears
dysthymicquokka: aw hehe they must be wonderful pets
Effervescence 34: they are
Effervescence 34: i have some chain leashes made up for them
dysthymicquokka: awesome
Effervescence 34: youd be surprised how easy it is to hook up a little electric tazer to that, and if they try anything naughty...
Effervescence 34: give em a little zap
Effervescence 34: hehe
Effervescence 34: it makes their hair just sorta skip up on end
Effervescence 34: just for a second
Effervescence 34: and then they get this cute little look like they just woke up
dysthymicquokka: hehe
Effervescence 34: like extreme pillow hair
dysthymicquokka: haha yeah
dysthymicquokka: do you let their hair grow out?
dysthymicquokka: i like shaggy hair hehe
Effervescence 34: oh yeah
Effervescence 34: not too long on the boys
dysthymicquokka: ^_^
Effervescence 34: no more than shoulder length for them
dysthymicquokka: thats a good limit
Effervescence 34: my little girl can grow down to her ass, though, before it starts to get in the way
dysthymicquokka: im trying to grow my hair out that long
Effervescence 34: oh really?
dysthymicquokka: yeah
Effervescence 34: braids or just the long sheet?
dysthymicquokka: long sheet
Effervescence 34: yeah, thats the best
Effervescence 34: its like a wave
dysthymicquokka: yeah i like it
Effervescence 34: i tried trini in pigtails for a while, but they just didnt work as well as the natural wave
dysthymicquokka: i still have a foot until it gets to my ass and more to cover it
dysthymicquokka: yeah
Effervescence 34: hmmm
Effervescence 34: sounds hot
dysthymicquokka: haha its a good tease, barely covers my boobs
Effervescence 34: it is isnt it?
dysthymicquokka: yes it is
Effervescence 34: thats the best part, if trini stands up straight, it covers her almost enough that no one would know that she was naked under it
dysthymicquokka: that is very nice
Effervescence 34: hehe
Effervescence 34: not like anyone but me gets to see her
Effervescence 34: but its a fun little thought
dysthymicquokka: yeah it is
Effervescence 34: i have one boy growing a rat tail
dysthymicquokka: ooh kinky
Effervescence 34: i told him that he could have that grow a bit longer
Effervescence 34: yeah
Effervescence 34: i may just use it as a leash
Effervescence 34: in which case he can grow it to like his knee or ankle or something
Effervescence 34: and then he can crawl around on his hands and knees and i wrap the tail around my wrist
dysthymicquokka: sounds like fun
Effervescence 34: i can't wait
dysthymicquokka: yeah i bet
Effervescence 34: i might even feel brave enough to take him for a walk around the block by then
Effervescence 34: and show off how cute he is
dysthymicquokka: aww you should
Effervescence 34: okay
Effervescence 34: he really is just adorable when he crawls around hands and knees across the floor
dysthymicquokka: hehe im sure
Effervescence 34: ive got him acting like a puppy
dysthymicquokka: aw
Effervescence 34: when i come down stairs, i give him a little whistle, and he bounds on over into my lap and starts licking at me
Effervescence 34: oh god its SOOOO cute
dysthymicquokka: aw how sweet!
Effervescence 34: yeah
Effervescence 34: he's the one ive had the longest
dysthymicquokka: you've trained him nicely
Effervescence 34: he totally stopped crying just last month
Effervescence 34: im so proud
dysthymicquokka: aw
dysthymicquokka: its so nice to have someone love you like that
Effervescence 34: isnt it?
Effervescence 34: do you have any like that?
dysthymicquokka: no
dysthymicquokka: sadly
Effervescence 34: oh you should!
dysthymicquokka: i know
Effervescence 34: you should find a cute little boy, and get some matching dresses!
dysthymicquokka: i've tried to find someone but it just doesnt seem to work
Effervescence 34: that would be the CUTEST thing
dysthymicquokka: hehe
dysthymicquokka: yes it would
dysthymicquokka: ^.^
Effervescence 34: and you could let him grow out his hair, and take him for walks around the mall as a little girl
dysthymicquokka: hehe
Effervescence 34: give him one of those androgynous names
Effervescence 34: like....
Effervescence 34: aaron/erin
dysthymicquokka: there ya go
dysthymicquokka: that'd be so cute!
Effervescence 34: yup
Effervescence 34: you needa find one that looks like you, too
Effervescence 34: the closer the better
Effervescence 34: do you have a little brother?
Effervescence 34: o_0
dysthymicquokka: well he acts like a little brother
dysthymicquokka: but he's acctually my twin
Effervescence 34: oh
Effervescence 34: hemm
dysthymicquokka: but we look nothing alike at all
Effervescence 34: that would be too old, besides
dysthymicquokka: yeah
Effervescence 34: anything over 7 and they start to not work
dysthymicquokka: oh i have a 2 year old half brother
dysthymicquokka: 6 year old step brother
dysthymicquokka: and 10 year old step brother
Effervescence 34: try the 2 year old if you can
Effervescence 34: its best to start them young
dysthymicquokka: okay
Effervescence 34: or get a stranger
Effervescence 34: thats really better
dysthymicquokka: im only with him every other weekend
dysthymicquokka: yeah
dysthymicquokka: it'd be easier
Effervescence 34: i try to not get family, because you know, the cops suspect that
dysthymicquokka: yes that is true
Effervescence 34: so yeahEffervescence 34: plus, its hard to feel good about playing with a family member
dysthymicquokka: yeah it is
Effervescence 34: strangers though
Effervescence 34: you dont know them to start with
Effervescence 34: so its like...
Effervescence 34: anything is possible
Effervescence 34: you could just have lunch
dysthymicquokka: yep
Effervescence 34: or you could have a fun afternoon pal and a late supper
Effervescence 34: or you might end up with a pet who becomes your adorable puppy
dysthymicquokka: haha yeah
Effervescence 34: its great
Effervescence 34: the mystery
Effervescence 34: thats what keeps me going
dysthymicquokka: thats awesome
dysthymicquokka: its nice to have something to keep you going
Effervescence 34: oh always
Effervescence 34: and then some loving, tear stained faces to come home to
Effervescence 34: ^_^
dysthymicquokka: aw hehe
Effervescence 34: it just makes my heart soar to know my pets love me
dysthymicquokka: i bet
Effervescence 34: and that they will up until the day i eat them
dysthymicquokka: haha yeah
Effervescence 34: thats always a huge bittersweet moment
Effervescence 34: i had one boy, about a year ago
Effervescence 34: i had kept him for like 4 years, since he was 4
Effervescence 34: he was just a darling
Effervescence 34: he was well mannered
Effervescence 34: and he had the coolest trick, he could cry ON CUE, silently
Effervescence 34: just a flood of tears on his face
Effervescence 34: a born actor, truly
Effervescence 34: and then he turned 9
Effervescence 34: and i couldnt keep him any more
Effervescence 34: and it was the strangest thing
Effervescence 34: we 69'd that night, one last time
Effervescence 34: and we both knew it would be
Effervescence 34: and all throughout the night, he was streaking out tears, the best i'd ever seen
Effervescence 34: and then i went for the love bite, where i twist and snap his neck while kissing it
Effervescence 34: and he startest screaming
Effervescence 34: all the sound effects youd expect from a crying baby
Effervescence 34: and no tears
Effervescence 34: it was weird
dysthymicquokka: aww thats so sad
Effervescence 34: i know
Effervescence 34: i actually couldnt bring myself to eat him
Effervescence 34: i took him out back, and put him on my child sized grill, and just made a funeral pyre for him
Effervescence 34: and that was the first boy i cried for
Effervescence 34: last, so far, too
dysthymicquokka: awww
dysthymicquokka: well im sorry to cut the conversation short but i have to go
Effervescence 34: okay
Effervescence 34: it was nice talking to you
dysthymicquokka: we should meet some time you sound like fun
dysthymicquokka: it was nice talking to you too
Effervescence 34: im definitely keeping this for future reference
Effervescence 34: heh
dysthymicquokka: haha
Effervescence 34: u mind if i use your sn on my blog?
dysthymicquokka: not at all
Effervescence 34: okay
Effervescence 34: this WHOLE thing is pretty fucking insane
dysthymicquokka: haha it is
dysthymicquokka: very insane
Effervescence 34: but its great
dysthymicquokka: yes it is
Effervescence 34: i had fun writing it with you
dysthymicquokka: me too
Effervescence 34: gnight
dysthymicquokka: night
dysthymicquokka: buh bye



--------------


NAKED MOLE RAT

Okay, those of you who read that agree its nuts. VERY over the top. And I thought the bit at the end was really touching. I made it on the spot, and if it weren't so sick and disturbing, I'd be proud. It is, admittadly, much, for lack of a better word, SICKER than anything I've put on here before, and I really wouldn't have if the whole conversation wasnt such a GREAT piece of work. I mean, it really is like a piece of art or something. Very dark, but I'm really pretty proud of it. Again, I'm not at all like that, I'd NEVER do anything like that at all, but fiction makes for an interesting playground, doesn't it?

I'm sure there are more than a few problems in it, technical bugs I need to go back and fix. All my "actions", the things you see here between asterices (*), are usually expressed with greater-than and less-than signs on AIM. Unfortunately, Blogger sees them as HTML, so I had to go through and fix them all. I took out a few typoes where it might be confusing, and I've probably left a few errors, but that was a LONG (two hours from start to finish) conversation. It was practically non-stop, start to finish, too. Anyway, if you've read it, you know how long it is. This is probably the longest I've ever posted. Point is, I'm probably not done with this. If you see any thing wrong, feel free to point it out. Also, I'm thinking of adding in a special directors commentary to it. I've been watching too many DVD's. I want to add a little side commentary to the conversation, point out little things. It sounds like fun. This has gone on long enough. I'm gonna go sleep. Night.

By the way, its 6:30 AM. Do you know where your children are....?