So, over the last month, I've been getting around, and so has word about the new Transformers movie. Of course I've heard of it. I've gotta say, I think it's really cool to see a whole bunch of media attention to the tiny robots that defined my childhood and much of my adult life, but just because you first heard about it when you went to see Shrek doesn't mean I haven't known about it since Stephen Speilburg was still fishing around for a director. I've tried to keep myself from any totally major spoilers - the ending, major details, and stuff, but things leak in, especially for someone in my position. Transformers IS my life, or enough of it that I can't avoid hearing about it. So, here now, I will share some of my thoughts about the movie so far.
1. They changed the character designs. This is the most noticeable thing about the film from it's cartoon counterparts. At first, my only thought was that they looked different, and, at first, different was bad. Optimus didn't used to have a flame paint job. Megatron shouldn't be a jet. Etc. But, again, I've been exposed to this stuff for years now. It's old hat. And, looking at them now, I can see Optimus behind the flames. I know what they were trying to accomplish. The designs are more alien than before, and look, to my mind, the way I would expect it to look if we (humanity) actually built a car that turned into a robot, rather than a toy car that turned into a toy robot. There's a slight difference there. Honestly, I would have preferred it if they'd looked somewhat more like the Alternators line, but even those toys were toys. They were hollow, and not really funtionally sound. Bay's bots are, or at least, look it, which is something you need if you're going to have them act alongside real actors.
2. The plot line is going to be a little bit junky. I mean, the emotional plot of Sam discovering that his car turns into Bumblebee, along with Earth finding itself in the middle of an extraterrestrial war, those could be okay, but the reason the Transformers are here in the first place... I still see toys on the shelf at target saying "WE MUST FIND THE ENERGON CUBE!" THE Energon cube, as if there was only one. Someone decided that the reason the Transformers arrived at Earth was because they are looking for something. A McGuffin, I believe the technical term is. The Energon Cube has since been renamed The AllSpark, the source of all Transformer life, but its still a bit cheesy. I realize it's too late now, but I much preferred the Decepticons when they were stealing resources on Earth. The IDW Infiltration storyline is pretty close to what they should be doing right about now. Decepticons hide in their undercover alt forms, causing havoc and eventually subjugating the planet, Autobots fight back, undercover at first, and eventually full scale as the conflict rises. Or, you know, SOMETHING, anything other than "O hay guys, we lost our cube thingy, so we're gonna rip up your planet to find it." Sigh... Just imagining the Havoc that Barricade could play. One police car that starts running down pedestrians in an urban area, that's about all it takes to get a huge sense of distrust towards authorities... man, it would have been great.
3. I REALLY a lot of the new characters, first and foremost being Barricade, the police car I mentioned earlier. I love the idea of an evil police car. It's so delicious. I could watch a whole movie about just him.
But a lot of the returning characters, I'm not so sure about. I don't like the fact that Starscream is as wide as he is tall. That strikes me as wrong. Scorponok used to be a giant battle station with a head that transformed into a smaller robot whose head ALSO transformed into an even smaller robot. Now, he's just a 5 meter long metal scorpion... I don't even see the point in him transforming. At least when the Dinobots did it, they could fly/glide (cept maybe Swoop, he just transformed when he had to land, pretty much). But Scorponok in the movie is pretty much all you need from him. A giant metal scorpion that hides in the sand and kills people. Scary as hell, I'm sure, but not really a "transformer." I really liked the idea that he was something like one of Soundwaves tapes, and instead of turning into a robot, he just turned into a robotic animal, like Ravage. I read somewhere that Blackout, the helicoptor, was supposed to be Soundwave in an earlier draft. I could get behind something like that. Soundwave drops a bomb or something, bomb unravels to reveal Scorponok, and I'm happy. I suppose Blackout/Scorponok still have that same vibe, but I still don't like Scorponoks robot mode.
4. "We are facing war against a technological civilization far superior to our own." This is a line I think is spoken by the President of the USA in the movie, in a speech to the public about why cars and planes and iPods are turning into robots all of a sudden. I don't approve of it. Sure, the Transformers may be cool and all, and they may be far more technologically advance than we are, but their civilization leaves much to be desired.
5. They gave Optimus his fucking ax again. I haven't seen that thing since Sherman Dam. I wonder if Megatron gets his energy mace, too.
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