25.10.07

Zombie Photographers?

In my computer?

It's more likely than you think.

The prompt
Her: yeah but i hate writng
Me: when I write, its always hard to get started, but for me, really, the problem is keeping it under control
Me: otherwise I'll ramble about stupid stuff for pages and pages
Me: which is kinda fun
Me: but silly
Her: im sure your teachers love that
Me: not so much
Me: also, I suck at using sources
Me: I'd much rather make shit up
Her: Felix Nadar devoted photographer. Stars are big and fun to look at
Her: me too
Me: In 1824, Felix broke free of his coffin, and started a post-mortem cross-continental photography tour
Her: lol
Me: his critics found his newer photos to be rather dull compared to the first set, and poorly lit
Her: he was only 3 in 1824
Me: Felix hunted down the critics, and bit them, starting the French Zombie infestation that still remains in the paresian catacombs to this day
Me: I don't care
Me: he time traveled
Her: wow if i wrote that i would fail so bad
Me: but you'd be laughing the whole way to summer school
Me: if I wrote it, would you turn it in along with your own paper, just to see what the teacher said?
Her: probally

And that's exactly what I did!!!

The Afterlife and Aftertimes of Nadar, French Photographer

In 1910, Gaspard-Félix Tournachon, also known as Nadar, the revolutionary European photographer, was put to rest in Le Père Lachaise Cemetery. Though it was a fitting end to a long and fruitful life, one that inspired a character in author and friend Jules Verne's From Earth to the Moon, Nadar's rest would not be peaceful for long. Before the year was out, Nader would need to be buried again.

As Tournachon's body lay in the dirt beneath the blooming lights of Paris, strange and foul machinations were taking place. Although many theories regarding the photographer's reanimation have been suggested throughout the ages, few have been replicated, and none have successfully raised another soul. The current leading presumption, according to researchers at Berkly and Oxford, is that as the Earth passed through the cosmic trail of Halley's Comet, some bizarre and unknown combination of chemicals and other-worldly radiation affected the dormant portions of Nadar's frontal lobe. It is unknown exactly how wide-spread this phenomenon actually was, but anecdotal evidence puts the number of awakened “zombies” in 1910 anywhere from 1 to 10 to 100.

Nadar's initial reappearance was seen by many observers as a stunt pulled by a man known for his outrageous life. Clearly, they believed, Nadar had faked his own death, and was now rising up to watch their reaction. Many dismissed his speech and movement impediments as side effects from whatever chemicals he had used to fake his death. Reporters interviewed Hatian voodoo wizards, African witch doctors, and others known for raising the dead. One newspaper headline exclaimed “Nadar's Greatest Work To Date!”

Gripped in a haze of undeath, Nadar's corpse sought to complete the works he'd started in his lifetime. Returning to his home, he managed to retrieve his camera, and began taking new pictures. Before anyone had realized that his zombification was not a prank, but in fact a serious condition, Nadar's come-back tour across Europe was already booked, with gallery exhibits set up from London to Moscow.

The tour never got farther than its first stop in Paris, France. While entertaining guests in the main hall of the Louvre, Nadar became perturbed by some critics opinions. Already, several articles had been written criticizing Nadar's newest works, noting the lack of a general composure, or overreaching theme, or even proper exposure. Other critics were so baffled they actually praised the gallery of works as legitimate art.

“Untitled Works 5-8”, which appear to be simply over exposed blurs of nonsense, make more sense when juxtaposed to the next quartet, “Untitled Works 9-12” which are if anything underexposed, as though the pictures were taken with a lens cap on. Together, these eight photographs starkly contrast the duality of nature, light against dark, and the fuzzy, blurred nature of emotion, with the crisp, solid rigidity found in the abyss. ... Without a doubt “Untitled Work 92”, the last work in Nader's newest series, is his most telling... [What] simply appears to be a slaughtered goat with Nader himself feasting over it... reveals mankind's true harsh nature.


Still, some critics refused to pay lip service, even to an artist as well renouned as Nadar had been in life. “There's nothing groundbreaking about it,” wrote Jean Doublet-Ree, the most vocal critic of Nadar's new series. “It's just a mess. A drunk could have created better art than this.” Besmirching common courtesy, Doublet-Ree refused to bite his tongue in the presence of Nadar himself, and instead he attempted to goad the photographer right to his face. Doublet-Ree soon found that he had under-estimated the photographer, whose reanimation had made him both incalculably mad and superlatively strong. Witnesses gasped in horror as the hunched form of Nadar pounced on his critic, and bit a solid chunk out of Doublet-Ree's neck. Though little is known about what happened immediately afterwards in the ensuing chaos, a few short hours later, Paris had decreed a state of emergency, and it found itself in the five of what would be five twentieth century Zombie outbreaks.

Though the French Army fought valiantly to contain the crisis, the ultimate victory would not come until several members of Nadar's former club, The Society for the Encouragement of Aerial Locomotion by Means of Heavier than Air Machines, or SEALMHAM (pronounced “Seal, Ma'am”, which would later be shortened to just SEAL and adopted into the United States Military Command) took control of the streets, erecting barriers ironically similar to the ones Nadar himself had set up to protect himself from crowds. These so-called Nadar barriers were used to corral the hordes to a controlled location, and then funnel them into the labyrinthine Paris Catacombs. That was the last anyone ever saw of Nadar on record, though every so often, a photo album is found on the streets just in front of the Louvre, a chilling reminder to the chaos that ensued almost 100 years ago, and occasionally a good source for a filler event between headlining galleries. Many suspect that Nadar changed his first name to Ralph and attempted a few bids at the United States Presidency in the late 20th Century, but thus-far there has been no known proof that the undead Photograper and the unsuccessful politician were related.

3.10.07

I'm A Conspirasy Nut

Questions raised over terror exercise

By EILEEN SULLIVAN, Associated Press WriterWed Oct 3, 6:46 AM ET

The nation is preparing for its biggest terrorism exercise ever next week when three fictional "dirty bombs" go off and cripple transportation arteries in two major U.S. cities and Guam, according to a document obtained by The Associated Press.

Yet even as this drill begins, details from the previous national exercise held in 2005 have yet to be publicly released — information that's supposed to help officials prepare for the next real attack.

...


Now, I'd like to assume that this is just a drill, and I'm just being my usual paranoid self here. But apparently, and I'm too lazy to look up the actual details right now, but similar drills were scheduled for the mornings of the September 11th attacks and the London Metro Bombings. I actually heard the radio communication from the British officer who couldn't believe that the "fictional scenario" he was supposed to be prepring for was actually happening, in the same place his drill was scheduled, in the same time his drill was scheduled, and in the same way it was scheduled.

So yeah, don't plan any trips to Guam next week, k?

Oh yeah, and copy the article, so that if it gets pulled down before the attacks for "some reason", you'll be able to show them wrong.