27.6.06

Momma's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Gods of War

So, as many of you know, I work in the electronics department at Target. Today they were on my case about getting a red card, which is making someone sign up for a Target Visa. I hate doing that, it always makes me feel like such a tool to try and sell people a credit card. But I did end up helping out every guest I could find, and that does always make me feel good. One family in particular was worth noting here, though.

Brother (10) and Sister (8) were looking at the video games. Sister couldn't find one that she really wanted, but Brother had already grabbed God of War and was holding it under his arm, ready to go. I had to admit, it's a good game, and a great deal now that it's gone Greatest Hits, but my morality made me remind the boy "You're gonna need to get your mother to OK that, you know." He knew, apparently, and seemed confident that she'd get it. Ah well, I think, I don't know everybody's age by looking at them.

A few minutes later, Sister has picked out her game (Spiderman 2), Mom's arrived with the money, and everyone's ready for me to check them out. While it's not really neccessary, since neither of the games are locked, I love running the register for video games. I always get interesting small talk, especially from parents with differing perspectives on gaming. So, while I'm going around the register and logging in, I start off with a semi-obligatory comment to Mom: "You know why that game's rated M, right?"

"No, I guess not, not really."

"Well, you can check on the back, down here..." I point, and Brother grabs the game and rattles off the list at lightning quick speeds, hoping maybe he won't get caught.

"Rated M for BloodAndGoreIntenseViolenceNuditySexualThemesStrongLanguage." It really sounded like he was mumbling around the word "Nudity".

Apparently responding to the charge of the Strong Language, Sister chirps with a "We can just turn the volume down for those parts." Yeah, I think, that'll help. Heh.

"Wow," stammers Mom. "I guess M4 is pretty bad, huh?"

Uhhh, I think. "No, that's 'M FOR', Eff Oh Are."

"It's okay," Brother semi-pleads, still confident he's mature enough to handle BloodAndGoreIntenseViolenceNuditySexualThemesStrongLanguage. "It's not really that bad."

Mother wasn't quite listening the first time through, and gets Brother to repeat the list again. She had contacts, apparently, and couldn't read the tiny warning. This time he's even quieter, faster, and with less letters.

"BludnGorIntenseVilnceNudtySex'lThemeStrngLnguge."

Mom is now curious. "What does that mean, 'Sexual Themes.'"

I know my cue. I'd been considering how to describe the "Rated M-ness" of the game since I first saw it in Brother's hand. Comparing it to the Big News that was the Hot Coffee scandle, which is nowhere near as bad as God of War. Maybe, I think, the reason people were so upset wasn't the content so much as the fact that it was hidden in GTA. From there my mind wandered to the more recent events with Oblivion's Nudity Mod, and the concept of Modding in general, going back to my days of patching in Barney over Doom demons.

I don't have time to give this woman the full college lecture on the subject. Better to go for the direct punch.

"There's a bit of toplessness. It's really pretty blatant, really. I mean, after a you beat a level, you go back to his bedroom, and there's a pair of concubines there..."

"WHAT?!" Mom interrupts. Aww, and I didn't even get to the DDR sex minigame.

She's screaming at Brother, now. Not really screaming, actually. You could tell that's what she was thinking though. Her actual words were a very stern, "I don't think so..." I would have been worried if she'd said anything less, personally. So, Mom and Brother go off to look for a (much) more suitable game. As I check out Sister's copy of Spiderman 2, I chuckle as I see Brother try to convince Mom with what appears to be another M title, probably GTA. Not today, Brother. I do feel a little sorry for him, though, when he walks out empty handed.

A couple of asides: First, Spiderman 2 is rated T, so definitely older than sister's range. Yet I sold her the copy, without so much as a peep. First, the T isn't for BloodAndGoreIntenceViolenceNuditySexualThemesStrongLanguage, just for a little comic-book violence, as opposed to strictly adult themes. I definitely heard an OK from Mom, too. In my view, and when parent's ask me if the game is alright for kids, I have this advice about movie games. If you thought the movie was OK for them, the game probably will be, too. It's the same content. The only concievable difference is in controlling the action as opposed to just watching. I'd be surprised if Sister HADN'T seen Spiderman 2, and really, what's wrong with your child emulating a character who's motto is "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility"? Besides, Spidey never kills anyone. Doesn't even shoot. He just webs them up and leaves them for the cops.

Secondly, I might have been okay with GTA. That is, I'm not gonna make MY kid wait till he's 17 to play Vice City. If you ask me, GTA is an older teen game, but the subject matter really seems like something a 15 year old would consider amusing. That's not to say that adults can't enjoy it on the same level, or more. Just that, to my eyes, the sexual content of GTA was the kinda stuff I was joking about with my friends in middle school. GTA is rated M for it's violence alone. God of War is rated M for being as close to AO as possible without being the real deal.

Okay, I've gotta get up in the morning. I've gotta see some sort of Man about making a Return which may or may not be Super.

26.6.06

Killing With Kindness

I'm happy to report the rumors of my death have been vastly exaggerated. On the other hand, so have the rumors of rumors of my death, so there you go. It's been a month, just about. I swear I've been meaning to post. It just kept slipping my mind. I'm at level 28 now in Warcraft, so I'll bet that's got something to do with it. Good news is that Target seems to only want me 2 days a week. It's a really fucking crappy schedule. I'll have to start saying "Yes" when they call me in for extra help.

But that's neither here nor there. I saw something on the Colbert Report tonight that got me thinking about hostages. How would I react if I was ever taken prisoner. If someone held a gun to my face, my initial responce is something along the lines of "I'm prepared to die. Are you prepared to kill?" Philosophical shit like that, see if I can stir them up. Even if I don't say it out loud, out of the fear that maybe he IS prepared to kill, I'll be thinking it. Don't get me wrong, I don't WANT to die. I'd honestly rather not. But if that's where I'm headed, and there's nothing I can do, I'm cool with it.

Really, I think I'd enjoy being a prisoner. I mean, not like, "sign me up, I'm ready." But like, if I was a prisoner, I'd make the most of it. I'd see what I could get read. I'd talk to the guards and get on their good sides. I'm a very likable person, and I believe that everyone at their core wants to be liked, too. It comes with being a social creature. So if I just get the other person to not think of me as their enemy, but as a real person, my times will go a lot smoother. Chatting up the guards MAY be difficult, though. They tend to do stuff like pistol whip you when you talk while marching and stuff. Maybe I'd hum or something. And, say, if I got too chmmy with the guards, I'd get stuck with the guy who didn't speak English, to keep me from being treated nicely. I have ways around that, too, though.

I have this image of me in a dirty cell in Iraq or whatever (possibly the Democratic People's Republican Kingdom of Carbomia), with the guard outside being gruff and silent. The conversation goes something like this:
Me: Hey, you must be new here. I'm Greg. Nice to meet you. What's your name?
Him: (A single word barked as an order in whatever his native language is. Probably something like "Quiet!" I'll know that one by this point. More than likely, he'll just harumph to himself and keep quiet, cuz his superiors warned him about me.)
Me: Not much on names, eh? That's okay, I'll just call you Rob for the time being. It's been a while since I talked to a Rob. That sound okay?
Him: (Same as before: stoic)
Me: So Rob, whatcha do for fun? You play any sports? Soc- er, football? Follow the World Cup maybe? ... Read any good books? Seen any movies?
Him: (The silence continues.)
Me: Hey, did you guys get Pirates of the Carribian over here? Swashbuckling pirates? Sounds like you're kinda stuff... And that Kiera Knightly is some hot stuff, eh?
(At this point I am just talking to keep myself amused, not even thinking he was listening, and thus the next line surprises me...)
Him: Ki-Kiera Nituhly?
Me: Ah, you've heard of her, I take it. Nice looking lady, eh? (I elaborate with a stereotypical "hourglass figure" motion of the hands.)
Him: (Gibberish, cuz I'm no linguist, but I get the general idea of "Yeah".)
Me: Yeah, that's another thing I haven't seen in a while. Been away from home too long. Speaking of which, who do you local boys have your eyes on?
Him: (Confusion, he still doesn't speak English)
Me: (Motioning to myself) America... Kiera Knightly. (Motioning towards him) Carbomia...?
Him: (Catching the drift, he fills in the name of whatever local star he fancies.
Me: (Attempt to say the name, the way he tried out Kiera's.) Nope, can't say I've heard of her. She been in any movies? (Hitting another language barrier, I make another simile - Kiera Knightly is to Pirates of the Caribbean as the Carbomian chick is to... After he fills in the blank, I continue.) I've never seen that. Do you think you could get me a TV to watch it? (More exaggerated miming, this time pointing to my eyes and slowly saying "WATCH")
So yeah, at that point, I've got a movie buddy, and even though we don't speak English, I'm pretty definitely on his good side. Yay diplomacy.

And now, cuz I feel like it, a random picture for you all.

1.6.06

My Mind Is Reeling

Racing, really. I've got ideas out the wazoo. I've had half-completed stories surfacing on a near daily basis, getting into tiny swordfights with the half-completed stories I've already started on but, again, have not yet completed. I've had a rant going on in my head about how Magneto makes an interesting character from multiple perspectives. Along the way the Constructicons merged into that one, something about their dis-jointed nature of creation and destruction, and while I'm at that I might as well go on and do a little write up on every other childhood villian and how I think they "break the mold". No time for that, of course, but the ideas on Lencher and Devastator are good. Just tonight I got the idea for an experiment in how the MySpace community works, and whether or not a fictional person, completely foriegn to the world outside of MySpace, can be linked into their artificial community and generate her own fan base soley from the on-site presence. I've got a counter-idea that says that me mentioning the idea on this blog devoids the project, saying I don't make it ambiguous enough, but I suppose it's too late for that. I've had other thoughts, and though at the moment I've lost them, I'm sure they'll resurface, and you'll hear me whine about how I don't have enough time for them either.

I'm leaving for New Jersey this Friday. Depending on how you look at it, that's tomorrow. I have no idea what I'll do about that. I'm not packed. I have paperwork to get to ACC so that I can eventually persue academia once more, with hopefully more success this time around. This is retarded. I have a to-do list on my computer that has been empty since I reformatted, and hadn't been updated since last year even before that. I should really be using it. Instead, I spend my time bitching like this, and intermittantly looking for Lilo and Stitch wallpapers. Sigh. I really do need a vacation. From a lot of things. I'm so glad my dad doesn't have wireless at his house in PA, and I don't believe its at his shorehouse either. I'm gonna take a break from the Internet.

My computer won't run DVD's, oddly enough, so my plan to watch the West Wing over my break may have hit a snafu. I think I'll read instead. As for my computer, I'm probably going to leave it at home. Despite this, a statistical anomaly will occur. By the end of the month, this site will have posts dated for the days I was gone. I'll accomplish this using the high-tech device known as a notepad and pen. More news on these staggering technologies as they are developed. But yeah, I'm gonna sit on the porch after sunset and write about what's on my mind. Stream of consciousness stuff. Like this, only hand written, and then edited because I'm self-conscious. So, stream of selfconsciousness, I guess.

I'm gonna go to sleep now. So I won't be online starting... Well, I guess probably tomorrow afternoon, if not sooner. Let's say now, why not?