I've figured out what was wrong with the Star Wars prequels. Or rather, ANOTHER thing that was wrong with them. So far, I've pointed out the lack of a Han Solo-character in a world full of Jedi, and of course the terrible writing and acting. Here's the one I think really clinches it. Or at least, what makes these movies not "Star Wars" movies. In a word, Stormtroopers. Oh sure, they're called
CLONE Troopers now, but just look at them; they're Stormtroopers, and that's the problem.
Episodes 4-6 were clear and simple. There were the good Rebels and the evil Empire. The main characters were almost stereotypically iconic, and the rest were interchangeable soldiers, wearing uniforms so you could tell who was the good guys and who was the bad. Just think back to the beginning of A New Hope. Those Rebel Troops lining up in the hall, making a valiant effort to hold back the imperial boarding party, and then, when the storm troopers charge in, guns blasting, there is no question, they are the bad guys. The only somewhat grey character in the trilogy was Lando Calrissian, but he was really a good guy deep down. Sure, everyone's first thought is, "He betrayed Han Solo, his friend." But really, he didn't have a choice. He was making what he thought was the right decision. Turn over a wanted criminal to the rightful authorities, and his little mining operation could remaing autonymous the way he wanted. Otherwise, he thought, his people would have suffered under the Empire's rule. He was given the choice of Han Solo against the entire city, and I for one think he made the right choice. (Besides, he blew up the friggen Death Star. That makes it all better. He's a good guy.)
But in Episodes 1-3, the lines between good and evil are totally blurred. The droid army and Trade Federation are bad, obviously, and so are the Sith (Red 'sabers = bad). But even there, the lines are blurring. The Federation is controlled by Darth Sideous, AKA Senator Palpatine, who we frequently see all buddy-buddy and nice-nice with Queen Amidala and the other members of the "good" old Republic, which is itself, not so good. So it's hard to tell where the bad guys end and where the good guys begin. Padme get's pretty upset with the Republic in the first episode, so does that mean that the whole Republic is bad? I dunno.
Even the Jedi, the ultimate forces of good in the galaxy, are in-fighting. Qui-Gon Jinn (first good guy we meet in the movie) argues with Yoda (good guy from the classic trilogy) about the prophecy (which, by the way, is mysteriously dropped after
TPM), and later, the whole Council starts getting antsy about Anakin, one of their own. I'm not saying that their suspicions weren't justified, just that it's a little unsettling to see the good guys being sneaky and such.
And then we see the Clone Troopers. Obi-Wan (good guy, for anyone still keeping track) discovers them in AOTC on Kamino, and an Ackbarian air of danger (It's a trap!) can be felt by the audience. There's this huge army of clones out, just in time to fight this new war. But in the end, when the chips are down and the Jedi are surrounded by the seperatists, the clones save the day. They're heroes! They're good guys! ...But they look like evil Stormtroopers...? We are confused. And ROTS doesn't help things at all. They spend the first 3/4's of the movie as good guys. Clones fight along side and under the command of Jedi Knights, waging the war against the rebels (who in this movie are bad, I guess? More on the "seperatist movement" later.) Then all of a sudden, the Emperor (bad, but part of the legitimate government, so he was good?) issues Order 66 ("Kill all the Jedi", aka bad), and the Clone Troopers follow. They go from good to evil in no time flat. It's true that they were just following orders, but it's confusing to the audience to see such a sudden change in attitude, from hero to enemy in 0 seconds flat.
And it's especially jarring in a Star Wars movie. In the galaxy of the Empire, the world is polarized. There's the dark side of the Force, and the good side. There isn't any in-between. And that's what made the movies what they are. They, like the Transformers I mentioned yesterday, set up strict guidelines between good and evil. There isn't an inbetween for them. There's no "Grey side" to the force. If you think you're on it, you're probably on the dark side and in denial. All the rebels are good, and all the imperials are evil. It's always a trap. You know the score. Episodes 1-3 aren't like that at all. To be fair, neither are most of the other movies made today, but they aren't trying to be Star Wars. The thing that made the classic Trilogy so amazing was that it was the classic literary hero's quest. Straight forward, without all the politicking and subterfuge. This isn't supposed to be "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington." Hell, this isn't even supposed to be "Mr. Skywalker Goes to Coruscant." It's Star Wars. It's "Mr. Skywalker Rights Wrongs with his Glowy Sword of Good." It's the Hero's Quest. And the Prequels aren't.
There was an interview with George Lucas I saw a while ago, where he commented that really, the way he wanted all 6 movies to be seen, the story was supposed to be the Fall and Redemption of Anakin Skywalker. That's not a bad idea, in theory. In Theory. But it didn't work out that way. The classic trilogy does not play out as "the redemption of Anakin Skywalker." It plays out as "the redemption of
Luke Skywalker." The fact that he's redeming Anakin doesn't matter. This isn't Anakin's story. It's Luke's. It's the story of how a little desert farmer from the middle of nowhere goes on to destroy the most powerful evil in the galaxy. The turning of Darth Vader back into Anakin isn't a triumph of the senior Skywalker and how he was able to fight the darkness with his own inner good. It's a triumph of his SON being a powerful enough force of good to rid Vader of the terrible evil inside him. If the story were supposed to be the redemption of Anakin Skywalker, then Anakin himself would have to realize "Oh my God... I killed a classroom full of innocent Jedi Children. I'm a Monster!" then go around helping people who needed him, trying to live down his evil deeds and make good for them, climaxing in his final duel with his former Master, and eventual triumph over the entire Empire he himself helped create.
Those movies were never made. While the idea is a decent one, and with proper execution (not Lucas'), it could have been a sextilogy even better than than the classic trilogy, it's just not possible right now. The prequels, according to Lucas, were meant to build Anakin up as a great hero, then have him horribly fall from grace and become the evil Lord Vader, who we would cheer for as he redeemed himself in episode 6. That is part of why they failed. They were written from that perspective, or at least attempted to, but their "sequels" were already around. Darth Vader is ingrained in our culture as a force of terribly evil. The audience is incapable of accepting him as a hero at all. Even the movies themselves refuse to allow him to reach his hero-dom. His entire history of successes are tinged with dark undertones, from the very end of Episode 1, where Palpatine tells the little boy "We shall watch your carreer with great intrest," before placing his hands on Anakin's shoulders from behind in a less than friendly way (bad touch). And all throughout the trilogy, we're left with the impression that Anakin's victories were questionable. When Luke was in his X-Wing blowing up the Death Star, his face flickered with many emotions. He was excited about actually flying his own space ship for a big battle. He was a little fearful and nervous about this new situation. He panicked as he realized that he was being fired upon, or that he had just flown through a huge explosion for some reason. ("I got a little cooked but I'm all right.") You could feel his sense of duty as he arranged Wedge and Biggs for that last attack run, and how torn he was when Biggs died, and then when he had to send Wedge, who's job was effectively providing an extra, X-Wing set of shields, out of the trench before he too was lost. And finally, when he let go and used the force to guide his proton torpedo down the shaft, he had a look of utter calm on his face, not so much that he KNEW what was going to happen, but that he had faith in it. Anakin is pretty much the opposite in battle. After the rediculous retardation he displayed at the battle of Naboo ("Let's try spinning!"; "Uh oh, I flew into, blew up, and flew outta the bad guys control ship on accident!"; etc.), Anakin's battle face varies between two emotional states: cocky egotistical overconfidence (think the fighter scene at the beginning of
Sith), and cut-loose evil rage fury (slaughtering Tusken Raiders, Jedi Children, etc). This is supposed to be our dramatic hero? It's impossible to look up to him. It's impossible to care about him. It's impossible to think of him in any way other than a flawed character who will eventually become totally evil, and therefor impossible to rejoice at his being turned back to the good side at the end of it all. Far more than being just simply terrible movies, the prequels have managed to alter the way we percieve a classic Trilogy. If we'd know then what we know now, that Anakin Skywalker was a douche-bag, then we wouldn't have wanted Luke to save him. We wouldn't have believed his impassioned pleas that there was good in him. And the redemption of Darth Vader would have felt like the redemption of Adolf Hitler.
And that's why I choose to believe that the Prequel trilogy are not Star Wars movies. Oh yeah, sure, Lucas has them locked into his special "canon", but they're bullcrap. I reject them. I gave them a shot. I really did. Episode 3 was actually a pretty entertaining movie, when Anakin wasn't talking, and if I could forget that it was supposed to be part of the Star Wars universe.
Okay, I really went off there. I had a lot of other little things planned. I wanted to talk about how the US government screwed up their case against one of the 9/11 terrorists, and lost their shot at the death penalty, and say how it was good because now he won't be a martyr. I really think life is a much worse penalty for these religious nuts than death. Death means that their last thought is something along the lines of "YAY! VIRGINS!" Life means they have to consider that maybe what they did was wrong. They have to face their conscious until their eventual death, which, unlike an execution during a war, which might be considered honorable, will be something pathetic like dying of a colon infection (or
kidney disease?)
I also wanted to mention that I was planning on reformatting my HD. I want to get another external drive first, though, so if something goes wrong, I have a backup, so it won't be for a while. I'll detail the process later, then.
I do wanna end with this, though: Where did "Hello Kitty" come from? Does she have a cartoon? A theme park? It seems to me that someone managed to take the idea of a licenced property (think Star Wars lunchboxes and Transformers backpacks), and simply create the licence out of thin air. Imagine seeing a line of Thomas the Tank Engine toys and paraphanalia without the existance of
Shining Time Station. This is the world I live in, thanks to Hello Kitty.
Oh wait, I have wikipedia.
Duh.
