Momma's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Gods of War

So, as many of you know, I work in the electronics department at Target. Today they were on my case about getting a red card, which is making someone sign up for a Target Visa. I hate doing that, it always makes me feel like such a tool to try and sell people a credit card. But I did end up helping out every guest I could find, and that does always make me feel good. One family in particular was worth noting here, though.

Brother (10) and Sister (8) were looking at the video games. Sister couldn't find one that she really wanted, but Brother had already grabbed God of War and was holding it under his arm, ready to go. I had to admit, it's a good game, and a great deal now that it's gone Greatest Hits, but my morality made me remind the boy "You're gonna need to get your mother to OK that, you know." He knew, apparently, and seemed confident that she'd get it. Ah well, I think, I don't know everybody's age by looking at them.

A few minutes later, Sister has picked out her game (Spiderman 2), Mom's arrived with the money, and everyone's ready for me to check them out. While it's not really neccessary, since neither of the games are locked, I love running the register for video games. I always get interesting small talk, especially from parents with differing perspectives on gaming. So, while I'm going around the register and logging in, I start off with a semi-obligatory comment to Mom: "You know why that game's rated M, right?"

"No, I guess not, not really."

"Well, you can check on the back, down here..." I point, and Brother grabs the game and rattles off the list at lightning quick speeds, hoping maybe he won't get caught.

"Rated M for BloodAndGoreIntenseViolenceNuditySexualThemesStrongLanguage." It really sounded like he was mumbling around the word "Nudity".

Apparently responding to the charge of the Strong Language, Sister chirps with a "We can just turn the volume down for those parts." Yeah, I think, that'll help. Heh.

"Wow," stammers Mom. "I guess M4 is pretty bad, huh?"

Uhhh, I think. "No, that's 'M FOR', Eff Oh Are."

"It's okay," Brother semi-pleads, still confident he's mature enough to handle BloodAndGoreIntenseViolenceNuditySexualThemesStrongLanguage. "It's not really that bad."

Mother wasn't quite listening the first time through, and gets Brother to repeat the list again. She had contacts, apparently, and couldn't read the tiny warning. This time he's even quieter, faster, and with less letters.

"BludnGorIntenseVilnceNudtySex'lThemeStrngLnguge."

Mom is now curious. "What does that mean, 'Sexual Themes.'"

I know my cue. I'd been considering how to describe the "Rated M-ness" of the game since I first saw it in Brother's hand. Comparing it to the Big News that was the Hot Coffee scandle, which is nowhere near as bad as God of War. Maybe, I think, the reason people were so upset wasn't the content so much as the fact that it was hidden in GTA. From there my mind wandered to the more recent events with Oblivion's Nudity Mod, and the concept of Modding in general, going back to my days of patching in Barney over Doom demons.

I don't have time to give this woman the full college lecture on the subject. Better to go for the direct punch.

"There's a bit of toplessness. It's really pretty blatant, really. I mean, after a you beat a level, you go back to his bedroom, and there's a pair of concubines there..."

"WHAT?!" Mom interrupts. Aww, and I didn't even get to the DDR sex minigame.

She's screaming at Brother, now. Not really screaming, actually. You could tell that's what she was thinking though. Her actual words were a very stern, "I don't think so..." I would have been worried if she'd said anything less, personally. So, Mom and Brother go off to look for a (much) more suitable game. As I check out Sister's copy of Spiderman 2, I chuckle as I see Brother try to convince Mom with what appears to be another M title, probably GTA. Not today, Brother. I do feel a little sorry for him, though, when he walks out empty handed.

A couple of asides: First, Spiderman 2 is rated T, so definitely older than sister's range. Yet I sold her the copy, without so much as a peep. First, the T isn't for BloodAndGoreIntenceViolenceNuditySexualThemesStrongLanguage, just for a little comic-book violence, as opposed to strictly adult themes. I definitely heard an OK from Mom, too. In my view, and when parent's ask me if the game is alright for kids, I have this advice about movie games. If you thought the movie was OK for them, the game probably will be, too. It's the same content. The only concievable difference is in controlling the action as opposed to just watching. I'd be surprised if Sister HADN'T seen Spiderman 2, and really, what's wrong with your child emulating a character who's motto is "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility"? Besides, Spidey never kills anyone. Doesn't even shoot. He just webs them up and leaves them for the cops.

Secondly, I might have been okay with GTA. That is, I'm not gonna make MY kid wait till he's 17 to play Vice City. If you ask me, GTA is an older teen game, but the subject matter really seems like something a 15 year old would consider amusing. That's not to say that adults can't enjoy it on the same level, or more. Just that, to my eyes, the sexual content of GTA was the kinda stuff I was joking about with my friends in middle school. GTA is rated M for it's violence alone. God of War is rated M for being as close to AO as possible without being the real deal.

Okay, I've gotta get up in the morning. I've gotta see some sort of Man about making a Return which may or may not be Super.