Jack: What's wrong, Sora? Does the doctor's theory scare you?And yeah, that's true. I have a good standing fear of most normal dangerous things. And I don't let that fear control me. I don't really consider that "fear" so much as "caution". It's knowing that something can hurt you, and so you have to be careful around it. Respect, really.
Sora: Well, yeah — a little.
Jack: That's good to hear! Fear and insecurity are signs of a strong heart. Without that strength, your zest for life would fade...as would your taste for fear. And believe me, that would really ruin my fun.
But I'm not without my fair share of irrational fears. One of them is pretty common. I'm acrophobic; I don't like heights. The funny thing is, I love flying. Odd, eh? Reeally, it's just that I've been flying on airplanes for literally all my life. From when I was 4 months old, I believe. So I know planes are safe, through and through. And really, in my mind, I'm not "flying" when I'm on one. I have a sort of cognative dissonance, where I just feel like I get in this tube, it buzzes for an hour or more, then I'm in a new place. *Shrugs.* Linear geometry is for chumps. It's only when I get on a ladder, only a few feet above the ground, that I get scared. Or on a balcony. Or this one roller coaster I went on at Sea World. The bar was too loose, and I felt like I wasn't really strapped into my seat, so the zero-G drops felt VERY dangerous. Still though, that's an almost real fear. It's a little moreso, because my fear of falling is a bit extreme compared to other similar dangers, but it's a reasonable fear. Yesterday at work though, I was confronted with one of my more unusual fears.
The story goes as follows. I was at work Saturday, and rather than being put to work in electronics like I usually am, I was forced into the domestics / home decor secion. Basically, it's a mini-Bed Bath and Beyond, in terms of what we have. Not really my cup of tea, but definitely useful. But yes, not really something I enjoy. I started to feel sick, and was half wondering if I was sick enough to have to go home and half wondering how much of my "sickness" was just wishful thinking. I have hypochondria. I need some placebos, stat!
Anyway, as I worked the area, diligently fighting off my semi-imaginied headache, I walked past the furiture. Chests, dressers, chairs, the works. Now, I'm gonna tell you folks something I don't tell many people. One of my bigger fears is being attacked by inanimate objects. That's right. It makes no real logical sense, but I still, from time to time, get spooked by strange chairs that look at me funny, or worry that the sink, faucet, hot-air dryer, and door-knob in a bathroom all have teeth to bite me. It's a stupid fear but it's one I have. It's also why Chucky from Child's Play scares me so much. He's a doll, a normal inanimate object, that can walk and talk of it's own volition. That, to me, is scary. Unnatural, really. And the fact that he has murderous intentions makes it all the worse.
I guess it's understandable, the doll thing. My cousin Clara has a Winnie the Pooh doll, maybe 10 or 12 inches tall, that can walk. It's supposed to be a "baby" Pooh, just learning to walk, so it can encourage toddlers to walk with it. I think it's a neat idea. He's silly, funny, and just the right size companion for a 2-3 year old. But he scared Clara to death when we first got him. He's loud; not as in, his volume is too high, but loud in how he walks. His motors and gears all whirr noisily. He's unsteady. And he's a fast sucker, really. For his scale, it looks like he goes from standing still to a full sprint in 0 seconds flat. He's just waiting for a clap to cue him, and then,
WHII WHII WHII WHII WHII "Pooh can walk!" WHII WHII WHII WHII WHII...Not exactly something you would enjoy, especially because when we encouraged her to play with it, we had him facing her, so as soon as he moved, he looked like he was chasing her down. Scary stuff.
That's how a 2 year old thinks. They don't know that he's got a motor in him, and that's why he's moving and making noise. If you take that knowledge away, Pooh becomes as scary as the Chucky doll, which doesn't have motors. And I swear, my grandmother, in her extensive doll collection, had a doll that bore a more than passing resemblance to Chucky. I tried not to notice it whenever I visited.
There've been a couple of movies (other than Child's Play, natch) that have brought this fear out for me. For instance, the furniture of Shrek 2, had it been somewhat more threatening, would have scared the shit out of me. For those of you who haven't seen it, there's a scene in which the Fairy Godmother treats Princess Fiona to a demonstration, "Bibbity Bobbity Boo"-style. During the song, she brings the room's furniture to life, and they all start singing and dancing along. That's just creepy to me. I mean, even if my dresser said he wanted to be my friend.... I don't trust it. Plus, look how that one in the movie treated poor Shrek, trapping him up there and threatening him with his mafioso tough-guy routine. Compare that little bit of animated furniture to the cast of Beauty and the Beast, though. These guys didn't scare me. That's partly because it was a cartoon, not just CG, so it was very obviously fake. Plus, all the furniture had real talking personalities. You got to know them, and know they were friendly. And here's one difference that may not have been noticed before. The crew in the Beast's castle was not really animated furniture like the bunch from Fiona's room. It was people who had been turned into furniture. Somehow, that's more comforting to me. I know that they are just decent folks, who have basic human knowledge and morals. Furniture though... who knows? And that one dog/footstool... I didn't trust that at all. Nothing non-animal should ever bark. Talking is one thing, but as near as I could tell, the footstool didn't even have a mouth.
I wanted to mention Maximum Overdrive, too, a movie where a passing comet emits magic radiation that brings all the machine's in the world to life. It focuses on a group stuck in a truck stop, surrounded by angry 18 wheelers, but it also, at one point, shows the mess as it appears in suburbia. Water sprinklers are attacking people.... well, everything is. Except the bicycle this one kid is riding. I don't know why, really. I never caught the whole thing, and I don't really need to.It was really a pretty terrible movie in it's own right. The same goes for the movie I ended up NOT watching at Jackie's house, StarDust, about a chip that makes machines come alive. I never figured out how, but it looked like it had some sort of biological component, and just got really stupid from there. This movie has the chip enchanting a vaccuum cleaner, but the "Bad Guy" wants to put it to use for "Bad Things." While I'm sure the movie limited the chip to only electrical things, the first thing that came into my mind was an unstoppable army of armoires marching down Main Street, USA. Again, scary stuff, that. So that's why this kind of thing is so frightening. And you know yourself, if a chair started walking on its four legs towards you, you'd be scared too. Hollywood should make a movie about that. I'm sure it would sell.
I'm obviously the product of an overactive imagination. I look at Clara and can't see how she can imagine things so clearly. I think I've already written about her giving me bugs and honey, but I can't find it. Anyway, I realize, that I still do that at times, too. I'm not as open about it, of course, because it would be silly to announce to everyone that I was a Transformer flying around in helicopter mode. I do go on making my own sound effects with my mouth, though. And I make up little flourishes to add to mundane tasks, feeling like I'm some sort of superstar. Maybe everyone does that and just doesn't admit it. Maybe they should.
Or maybe I'm just crazy. Either way, I'm cool with it.
Speaking of things I'm cool with, I do believe that I have found the hottest webcam link on the planet. It's free, and I like her. She really has a nice personality, which I found surprising (I suppose I'm not an expert on cam-whores, though), and I've found myself addicted to hanging out with her. I may even pony up and pay the 13 bucks to get a 5 minute private show one day... We'll see how things go.
Man, I'm such a perv...
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