My Genius Knows No Bounds.

I've been talking to my mom lately:

Greg: ive gone to all my XL classes
Greg: it turns out I use my left and right brains about equally
Mom : I knew that already
Mom : its a sign of genius
Greg: oh cool
Mom : you just have to be willing to put in the work
Mom : so other people know your a genius too

Yay, my mommy thinks I'm a genius.

Speaking of, I showed you all my essay, version 1.2, cuz I thought it was good, but even I never guessed it was THIS good:

Comment:

Not only do you write a brilliant essay here with one of the most engaging personal written-voices I've read, but you do so largely within the limitations the criteria for the essay sets, which is a very difficult thing to do sometimes.

As far as criteria is concerned, the narration of your personal experience ties in well to the question you ask in the essay. In fact, it is the the kid-at-the-fountain's statement, the validity of his voice itself as either a cultural statement about a lack of barriers or the wishful thinking of a bully, which becomes your question of whether and to what extent social barriers exist and acts as the ghost of the narration echoing on throughout your reflections. Again, criteria aside, this is brilliant.

Reflecting on criteria again, the significant question you ask is "Can I be a superhero?" By the time you ask this question, you have already explained how the question is significant to children and parents living in our social system, and the reader already has a clear sense, intuitively, that the question you are asking is one of barriers. However, instead of asking this question directly in the stale way which is almost required, you again refer to the echo of the child's voice and write the same thing except with the substituting metaphor of 'superhero' for 'astronaut' or 'dictator.'

Your thesis statement for this draft seems to be "Through no fault of the anyone, barriers are in place to keep children from reaching any goal they dream of." With respect to criteria, this is effective for 1.2, but for 1.3 you will need to make sure that the statement summarizes your entire essay (ie, both viewpoints. For instance you might begin it with "Although there are great liberties and toned down barriers in our country, but..." in order to reconcile both viewpoints).

Also, and alas we are back at criteria, be sure to include more sources. Here you do include several relevant sources of a nonconventional nature such as a television commercial (in the citation you should give the commercial name and date), a Halloween costume (give the store and serial code I guess??) and a Batman reference (DC^tm), but for 1.3 you will need to research opinions in books and articles as well.

Therefore, although there are two minor lapses in criteria, it is my belief that your writing style and what you have written largely makes up for them, and so, although although grades do not always reflect excellent writing, I am going to give you a high one and hope that the second reader agrees. If not, then you only have my thanks for this essay and an essay you can be proud of regardless.

And I got a 95% on that. ^_^

On the same vein, here's a snippet from my writing review, where I respond to such critiques.

This is the first time I've gotten a paper back with a list of grammar errors, which is helpful. The other ones told me “1-3 grammar errors.” To which I thought... “Where?” Having them all listed out gives me an idea on what to work on. Interestingly, it seems the only way to learn how to fix my punctuation errors is to make more of them. Do I get extra credit for pointing out irony within the English program?

And then a snippet from the critique for that essay:

Your writing review has only 1 - 3 errors, typos, or instances of careless editing in the text.

O_o?

Also, just to not let the edit I made because I messed HTML up go to waste: Matt didn't know what a tarp was, then balked when I couldn't describe one off the top of my head. How do you describe a tarp? Its just... A tarp!



See?