Drizzling

It's drizzeling outside right now. Or misting. Or hazing. Its wet, either way. My glasses are still a little messed up by it.

I've had these two songs running in circles through my head the past few days, taunting me with bitter irony.

Smashing Pumpkins - Zero

My reflection, dirty mirror
There's no connection to myself
I'm your lover, I'm your zero
I'm the face in your dreams of glass
So save your prayers
For when we're really gonna need'em
Throw out your cares and fly
Wanna go for a ride?

She's the one for me
She's all I really need
Cause she's the one for me
Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
And cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
Intoxicated with the madness, I'm in love with my sadness
Bullshit fakers, enchanted kingdoms
The fashion victims chew their charcoal teeth
I never let on, that I was on a sinking ship
I never let on that I was down
You blame yourself, for what you can't ignore
You blame yourself for wanting more
She's the one for me
She's all I really need
She's the one for me
She's my one and only

The Pretenders - Walking on Sunshine

I used to think maybe you loved me now baby i'm sure
And i just cant wait till the day when you knock on my door
Now everytime i go for the mailbox, gotta hold myself down
Cos i just can't wait till you write me you're coming around

Im walking on sunshine , wooah
Im walking on sunshine, woooah
Im walking on sunshine, woooah
and dont it feel good!!

Hey , alright now
and dont it feel good!!
hey yeah

i used to think maybe you loved me, now i know that its true
and i dont want to spend my whole life, just in waiting for you
now i dont want u back for the weekend
not back for a day , no no no
i said baby i just want you back and i want you to stay

woah yeh!
Im walking on sunshine , wooah
Im walking on sunshine, woooah
Im walking on sunshine, woooah
and dont it feel good!!

Hey , alright now
and dont it feel good!!
hey yeah ,
and dont it feel good!!

walking on sunshine
walking on sunshine

i feel the love, i feel the love, i feel the love thatsreallyreal
i feel the love, i feel the love, i feel the love thatsreallyreal

Im on sunshine baby oh
Im on sunshine baby oh

im walking on sunshine wooah
im walking on sunshine wooah
im walking on sunshine wooah

and dont it feel good!!
ill say it again now
and dont it feel good!!

It's ironic because those are exactly the kinds of things I used to tell Jackie. It's ironic because they're exactly what I could say to her right now to make her feel so much better. But I don't feel that way about Jackie right now.

My mother used to tell me that my dad felt that he had been trapped into marrying her, and that's why their marriage didn't work. It sounds rediculous, really, being trapped into marriage, but I was starting to feel the same way. I was feeling trapped into being with Jackie. I felt like I had to stay with her, or else she would break down and cry and feel bad and it would be my fault. And while that was perfectly true, it's not a real reason for being in a relationship, is it? Or at least, it can't be the only reason. I'm sorry I put you through all this, Jackie. I really wish I could tell you that everything was gonna be okay between us, but I'm just not sure what's going to happen. I know I always want you in my life, but I could say the same thing about a lot of people. I don't know how you fit. I WANTto love you, and to feel for you the way you feel for me, but I don't, and I won't lie to you about it anymore. I want you to feel a love from someone that's really real.

*Plays "Walking on Sunshine" on bagpipes, like at Fry's funeral.*

Do dodo do dooo dooo.....