Look, it turns out James was wrong. I'm not debating all the time. I'm just using the Socratic method. ^_^
Seriously, that's what I do. I don't debate my opinion against another person's opinion out of spite, I just want to get to the truth. Therefore, when presented with a thesis, I present the antithesis. I like being the Devil's Advocate, really. When someone proves my antithesis wrong (which happens a good deal of the time), I'll admit defeat and drop it. Conversely, the other side should as well when confronted with evidence that directly contrasts with their case.
The problem with James, as I see it, was that he didn't see it as opinions battling, so much as people. He had a hard time disconnecting his IDEAS with himself. I had nothing against James, really. I was just defending myself against his claims that I was bad in some abject way because I quoted the Lion King. I don't know why he decided to make such a big fuss over a simple quote, but regardless, I'll contend that he started this all.
For my own part, I admit that I took it too far, and didn't realize soon enoguh that James was percieving my self-defence as an offence against HIM. It's not. I don't have anything wrong with the way he lives his life. I just asked that he not berate me for the way I live mine. And that's about where we are today.
I still condend, and Matt agrees with me, that I don't debate too much. If someone presents bullshit, I feel obligated to say "Hey, that's bullshit." James just happens to do this a lot, vis a vis his rant about how some girl he'd never met shouldn't complain about her life because it isn't as bad as his own. I'm not gonna go into WHY that's bullshit here (I've done so earlier, but James deleted all the comments. If you want, I'll explain it to you personally), but it IS patently bullshit.
I don't get why James sees this as some sort of huge problem I have on an order of magnitude that would mean I should be put with other crazy people in the Rugby School. I question things I don't agree with. I question things that are simply taken for granted. Where's the problem? I question things that need questioning. I'm sorry more people don't. The world would probably be better off if they did so.
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5 comments:
Greg, I'm not trying to be right, I'm trying to explain to you a problem you have, but you keep viewing it as some sort of challenge. Normally, one does not "disconnect" his ideas from himself, because his ideas are what make him an individual. There's a lot of bullshit in the world, but people don't generally feel like they need to be some saviour and go against it. The problem here is that I can explain to you everything I learned from my old psychologist, Herzel Yerushalmi, but you won't listen. However, if you were trapped in a hospital until you permenantly agreed with him, you'd realize what your problem was.
It is not socially acceptable to question everything. You confide in Matt and seem to think that because he agrees with you, you must be right. Go out into the world. People don't question and argue and debate everything that they think is wrong. People usually question things that regard their business directly, anything else they just accept. This is not an opinion of mine it is a fact of life, arguing over this is like arguing over a simple math equation, there's no room for question.
You think you don't have a problem but you're dealing with someone who's been with dysfunctional people all his life. You have a problem, especially when you can't view what I'm saying as an explanation rather than an opinion. Questioning is what children do; the teenagers I see who have your problem are disliked because they can't accept things. The people with that problem only accept things when they're told them by someone of authority, they can never trust anyone else to be telling the truth.
No one wants to be friends with someone who is never satisfied with a simple answer. They keep asking why and they keep arguing that they're wrong. When people say something in finality (a social cue you never seem to catch) it means no questions asked.
If you remained in New Jersey your entire life, you would've wound up in Rugby. I consider my knowledge of matters like this to be MORE AUTHORATIVE than yours, considering my experience. You're just lucky you went to Texas where psychology is a bit less existant.
None of this is open to debate. That's just something you'll have to learn. It's the same thing my psychologist told me five years ago. None of this was opinion, it was an explanation and advice. Just accept it.
-James
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend your right to say it. Rightfully so, if you disagree with something I say, rather than saying you shouldn't be allowed to say it (what you did), I'll counterpoint it, tell you why I think what you say is wrong.
So far, you're the only one who's really had a problem with me acting the way I do. Hense, before you picked a quote out of context on my blog and wrote a journal entry about it, I had settled on the fact that you weren't going to change your mind, and all I was doing by disagreeing with you was frustrating you. I've apologized for that error already, several times, both publicly and privately. I should have realized that since you go to a special school, your reactions would be different from what most people consider rational.
Actually, you're not the only person to tell me I "debate" to much. You're the only one to take such a drastic and outrageous reaction to it. And I really don't think I'll change my ways in general. I do need to learn to just drop it after a while, and not take things so far. Usually I do. Yours was a special case, I couldn't believe you'd have such a disproportionate reaction to a movie quote, and it put an air of unreality around the events that followed. Again, I apologize.
After that, I really thought this was kinda over myself. I was disappointed that you'd decided to end it with blocking me out of your life. I've never felt that avoiding a problem was a good way to deal with it, especially in this case where we'll more than likely see each other one or more times down the line. But, as I've come to accept, theres really nothing I can do about it. If you continue to pull out soundbites from what I say out of context, I'll respond with a clarification, but I guess I'd just like you to decide whethere you're gonna bar me completely or keep some sort of antagonistic relationship going, or drop this whole silly matter and go back to where we were. Btw, I vote the latter, for what it's worth.
P.S. - You don't have a blogger account any more? You could at least use the "Other" category to sign something in.
Greg, you're being a jackass. You're apologizing and then saying you didn't realize I had some problem. I'm not the one with the problem here, I'm just the only one actually pointing out your problem and trying to explain to you that you need to accept that and work on it. I'm doing this because everyone else I see with that problem either gets yelled at or at least realizes when they're doing it. It's annoying because I recieved therapy for it while you, for reasons that escape me, made it to adulthood without someone thinking you had a disorder; and I know a dysfunctional person when I see one, I've been around them my whole life.
But no, you can't just accept that I'm right and you have a problem. I'm the one who has experience with people with problems, and can point them out, but I guess you prefer to deny that and think that I'm the one with the problem just because I go to Rugby.
Just fuckin forget all this. Don't speak to me, don't even try to apologize anymore. Because last time you did you just made things worse. It's like saying "My day is going great, but I broke my arm." You don't apologize to someone and then tell them what's wrong with them. Like I said, you miss social cues; trust me, I HAD THE SAME PROBLEM five years ago.
But just fuckin stop. I don't know why I bother trying to help people when they only think I'm attacking them. So I'll shut up and you'll shut up. You're out of my life no matter what, my mom is divorcing your dad.
Wow. Look, I know you think of yourself as an expert on people with mental disorders. I don't think of you that way. You can scream and yell at me and say "I KNOW I'M RIGHT AND YOU'RE STUPID IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME!!!" all you want. That's not going to change anything. I don't think of anything I do as a real problem.
Like I said, thus far, you're the only one who's decided to destroy a friendship over it. That makes me really sad, I want you to know. You can scream out the wazoo that I have some sort of problem, but seriously don't see it that way. I guess that's part of my so-called problem, too.
I did a debate season on mental disorders. We pulled out the DMV, or the Big Book o' Crazy, as I like to call it. That thing is huge, and all inclusive. Point out a person that suffers from one of it's ailments is shooting fish in a barrel. The trick is to find the person out there that DOESN'T have some sort of disorder.
So yeah, I probably suffer from some sort of competition disorder. My mom tells me I have a little superiority complex, but if you ask me it's the biggest ever! Heh. But yeah, I'll admit that I have more than a few mental issues. Happy? Now the trick is, as you yourself pointed out, I made it to adulthood with them. I can live my problems. I'll be able to get a career while dealing with people. I can go outside (gasp!) I can do anything asked of me (except fight for our country, but that's due to a heart issue). I fail to see where I have a problem.
And please, don't reply to this saying "You're wrong, you have a problem! I know better than you!" You may know a lot more than me about disorders, but I don't trust you to make a diagnosis. I flat out don't listen when you tell me what you think is wrong with me anymore. Take care James. If I never see you again, I'll be saddened. I truly saw you as a brother. I wish we didnt have to part like this. You could unblock me, if you want to, or you could just leave me alone. It's on you, James.
Oh yeah, one last thing. I can think of no better way to answer your request of me to "forget it."
Rafiki: Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.
I don't run from my past. You can if you want, though.
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