Moral

Here's a fun activity for you guys. Compare this with the following MSN conversation:

Effervescence says:
why can't you just make up your mind?!
♥Usagiko♥ [» Look at the stars.]~* says:
Shrugs xD
Effervescence says:
good answer
♥Usagiko♥ [» Look at the stars.]~* says:
I'm full of em, me. =D
Effervescence says:
careful, someone may try to tap such a precious resourse
Effervescence says:
then you got a hose up your bum
Effervescence says:
and you gotta answer awkward questions about the tube going down the bottom of your skirt
Effervescence says:
and you're all outta good answers at that point
♥Usagiko♥ [» Look at the stars.]~* says:
XDDDDDD
♥Usagiko♥ [» Look at the stars.]~* says:
Lol~~
Effervescence says:
so the only things left to tell people about the tube are bad answers
Effervescence says:
"it feels SOOOO good"
Effervescence says:
or
Effervescence says:
"my mommy dressed me herself"
Effervescence says:
or
Effervescence says:
"sometimes i wet the bed when I'm awake"
♥Usagiko♥ [» Look at the stars.]~* says:
XDDDDDDDDDD
Effervescence says:
todays lesson
Effervescence says:
wear tight underpants
♥Usagiko♥ [» Look at the stars.]~* says:
XDDDDDDDDDDDD

I was reading the former as I read through the latter, and it made me feel a little, well, weird really that the stuff I was saying was so not like the things he was saying, and the stuff he said was so much more meaningful than what I say. But I thought a little more, and I realized that's not really true. He's writing about deeper stuff, maybe, but so what? That's not my style.

I've realized a while back that I'm an entertainer at heart. It doesn't help me much that I'm shy, but luckily for me there's mass media. Trust me, if I had to deliver these blog entries as weekly speeches at some local soundstage, I wouldn't do it. Hell, I'll bet half of the blogger population would. But this gives me, at the same time, a note of detachment from my work writing and the fact that I'm performing for people. Really, that's all this is. My little performance for you, in the hopes that it'll make some of you giggle or think about something you wouldn't usually.

I told Mike last night, basically, that I'm a people-pleaser. I like being liked. I am really happy to be able to say that I don't have any enemies in my life, except for myself sometimes. But when it comes to my friends, I'll do anything to give them a smile, or to make them laugh at least a little. I like being able to cheer people up. I'm very empathic, and when someone tells me that something is bugging them, I feel their pain. I don't like hearing about their suffering, and it becomes a goal of mine to end it.

More often than not this gets me in trouble. I tell people I care about them, that I love them, and it's completely true. It's just lacking the sense of devotion that most people expect from the words "I Love You." "I love you, but I'm not 'in love'" with you frequently springs to mind. I love you, but you aren't the only person I love. Like I said, not a recipe for building a healthy relationship. I've got a knack for getting people to fall in love with me, it seems, and it would kill me to break their hearts by telling them it's just an act (it's not), or that they aren't special (they are). So I tell them I love them, too, and I get caught. I'm an emotional slut, I guess. I'll do anything to be liked, and to feel wanted. And like I said, I'm good at it. I'm charming almost to the point of being manipulative, which is a somewhat scary prospect.

So this took a dour turn. I was going to say something about how my two dream careers would either be writing for a living (not just this blog, but published short stories and novels) and video game design. Both of them are, in my mind, entertainment fields. I create something for the enjoyment of others. And really, getting people to enjoy my work, read what I write and play what I design, the knowledge that someone was appreciating something I made would be payment enough. When you list dream careers, they shouldn't be jobs that'll get you lots of money. Otherwise everyone in America would want to be a doctor, lawyer, or professional athlete. Your dream careers, or well, at least MY dream careers, are something that I'll enjoy doing every day I come into work. It's like that question from Office Space: What would you do if you had $1,000,000? What would you do every day if you didn't have to work? I'm pleased to say that I have two things I would do with no outside motivation.

I'm reminded of the scene in High Fidelity (if you haven't seen it yet, you are probably breaking some law, for it is an awesome movie) where Rob is going over his list of top 5 dream jobs with his girlfriend. He's got 4 listed that are music industry specific, being a music geek, and then for the 5th, he has "Architect," just to have something different. When his girlfriend gets to that, she asks him, "What about the job you have now?" Rob owns a record store, which is indeed a dream of many music fans. He admits that yeah, he'd rather be doing what he is doing than be an architect, so they cross off architect and add in "Own Record Store."

The point of that segue? I'd rather be doing what I'm doing now than be an architect. I'd rather be able to sit online all day and lend my friends my ear when they need someone to talk to, or just be an online fool. I like where I'm at now. I plan to stay here as long as possible. I hope you'll stay with me.

-Greg LeVine, Professional Fool